2008

Animal Collective - Did You See The Words?
The Avalanches - Since I Left You
The Beatles - Dear Prudence
Beirut - Elephant Gun
Beirut - Nantes
Belle and Sebastian - We Are The Sleepyheads
Black Flag - Six Pack
Black Lips - Feeling Gay
Black Lips - Dirty Hands
Black Lips - Bad Kids
Chad VanGaalen - Clinically Dead
Chad VanGaalen - City of Electric Lights
David Bowie - Queen Bitch
Deerhunter - Agoraphobia
Dinosaur Jr. - Blowing It
Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
Girl Talk - Double Pump
Girl Talk - Smash Your Head
Good Shoes - Sophia
Kings of Leon
Lightspeed Champion - Midnight Surprise
Mercy Arms - Half Right
Minor Threat - In My Eyes
Municipal Waste - Born To Party
Municipal Waste - Tango and Thrash
New Order - Ceremony
Nico - These Days
Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time
The Rolling Stones - Shes Like A Rainbow
The Smiths - This Charming Man
Testicicles - All You Need Is Blood
Thao Nguyen with the Get Down Stay Down - Swimming Pools
The Tigers - Beezus
Vampire Weekend - Mansard Roof
Van She - Changes
The War on Drugs - Taking The Farm

Travelling with Paradise

Until I get out of the house and thrown into a job, i'll start producing more thrilling entries. Unless the quarrels that go on in this house excite you, then of course tell me.

My very last Christmas present made up for the impractical junk that sits under my bed collecting dust.

Many thanks to you Lady Vanessa.

I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac and after reading the first few pages a few months ago and thinking it was drab, it's actually great. I've highlighted the parts I like, why? Because it's my copy and if you choose to borrow it you have to deal with highlighter streaks on random pages. Despite not knowing half of the many places Sal Paradise visits, i'm enjoying it. See, if i'm not leaving the house or really, the Western Sydney Suburbs, i'll travel with Sal.

We're on our way to New York, after making love to Mexican Terry under the hairy tarantula in Sabinal.

Goodnight.

Nextmas, please

Christmas Eve gifts:

1. Maracas
2. J-lo fragrance

I can smell like a big ass has-been and draw attention by using the ever so practical maracas.

Christmas spirit. I've got it.

This is what I scribbled during a conversation with a good friend. We never discussed Christmas and somehow my subconcious has produced some sort of vulgar incoherent Christmas greeting.

Merry Fuckmas, fuckers.

Sweet Jesus on an clothes horse

http://viacomit.free.fr/

Styled by Carine Roitfeld, snapped by Terry Richardson. If your boner doesn't shoot up and give you a black eye, you might need to get checked.

Tape those boners down, we're on to something a little heartbreaking. Today I tried to find a replacement anchor for my lonely chain. No find. No 7/11 slurpee could fix the nonsense, and it was such a toothsome and refreshing slurpee.

I probably need to get tested

I had a dream that Al Bundy was sucking my friends toes.

Tuckman to the tree

Teams go through 5 stages of group development.

-Forming
-Storming
-Norming
-Performing
-Adjourning (damn it, doesn't rhyme)

Forming

Mum, Dad and Tine of the W.O.M decide that putting up the tree now would be less ridiculous than putting up the tree closer to the Christmas date.

Storming

We all have different ideas and schemes for asembling the tree and hey what do you know, conflicting ideas. Mum would like to start from the top to bottom, I want to start from the bottom to the top and Dad would like to just stick all of the branches wherever and hope to god that it's right. I think a lot of issues arose though, like who never does the dishes, who broke the microwave and basically we all pointed the finger at each other and stated that one or the other was mentally handicapped.

Norming

We're tired at this point and now just tolerating each others behaviour. By tolerating, I mean selective hearing and completely ignoring everyone. Mum is starting at the top and I am starting at the bottom and we've decided to meet at the middle to verbally abuse each other on who was wrong. Dad on the other hand left and went to bed so his argument had been deep sixed.

Performing

I think this phase didn't come in at all. If I said that the Christmas tree was assembled efficiently and effectively, i'd have to delete everything aforementioned.

Adjourning

The tree is up and we've all decided that who ever fuck's up the most next year has to put the tree up alone, with no help or guidance. This involves retrieving the tree from the spider breeding ground shed, a lot of dust in the sinuses and having to deal with wires in your face.




What a whirlwind.

I'm riding the "Awesome #FF2052" and "Torch Red #FD0E35" wave

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Crayola_crayon_colors

In 1903 when Binney & Smith decided to create the Crayola crayon colours, they forgot a couple. I like to call them: 10 knife-weilding, blind, ADHD children running around your uterus #FE0908 and I hate being a young lady fuschia #FG7890

Fucking fuck fucked

I've mentioned being a menace to society. Have I told you that I am a menace to myself?

Last night:
1. Lost my phone stylus
2. Lost my little anchor necklace
3. Blood in the vomit
4. Vomit on the sheets
5. Realised that available sheets are too small for my bed

The anchor really gets to me. My shitty little black heart is going to burst out of my chest and leave me for the crazy shenanigans that I had been a part of on that Thursday night. The little blood in the vomit? Fuck it, I've just lost my favourite irreplacable necklace. I can make the blood in the vomit thing but I sure as fuck can't weld and mold me a perfect little anchor charm.

Before that shitwrecking whirlwind, I had fun. I laughed at/with people, rolled around in the grass with a goon bag, almost stepped in dog shit, talked to a german shepard, harassed people playing pool and got matching rub-on freddo tattoos with good people.

People always talked about being blind drunk and I thought it was just some stupid sugar coated term that people used to explain why they ended up sleeping with the large nymphomaniac. Blind drunk is real. I remember sitting down and not being able to see straight, everything was just a mix of colours and unbearable noise. What's most surprising is that I couldn't see anyone, yet I could see the vomit on my shoes when pointed out to me.




Like my vomit, this blog is a little bit everywhere.

Sometimes being a menace to society gets tiring.

So I spend most of my days playing Grand Theft Auto III, running over hookers, using my sniper rifle and shooting peoples legs off oh and sometimes I complete the missions.

Anyway, let me tell you what I've been listening to lately. The purpose of me showing you what I listen to is non-existent. Maybe you'll have a better understanding of how eclectic my taste is. I surprise myself sometimes.

LIMP WRISThttp://www.queerpunks.com/

MUNICIPAL WASTE

http://www.facethewaste.com/

THE CARPENTERS

BEIRUT

DIONNE WARWICK

Keep the clothes on Ms Warwick, this is a family blog for christ's sake.

Blessed is the hand that clicked "Junk mail"

Greeting from Ruth Dixon Benson

Dear in christ,

I saw your contact through the Internet directory and my instinct advised me to contact you, while I was searching for someone who can assist me in this great time of need, someone who can help me out of this my present predicament.

I am Ruth Dixon Benson from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Jean Benson who worked with Kuwait embassy here in Ivory Coast for nine good years before he died.
We were married for many years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only Eight days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $(4.8 Million ) USD Four Million Eight Hunderd Dollar in a Metal Truck Box as a Family Valuable in a Finance Security Company here in Abidjan.Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or a God fearing person that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church or a God fearing Person that will use this fund for orphanages, hospitals, schools, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth".... I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my late husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my late husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers, I really want it to be to the Glory of God and the service to humanity.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives are around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the relevant documents that will legalize you to have access over this fund.I will also issue you an affidavit that will proove you the present beneficiary of this fund in the Finance Security Company.I want you to always pray for me because the Lord is my shephard.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life and pray to God to forgive me my sins.
Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another church or a God fearing person for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply....

Remain blessed in the Lord.
Your's Sister In Christ,
Mrs. Ruth Dixon Benson


-------------

Dear Mrs. Ruth Dixon Benson,


Your scam is tempting. I won't lie, I would use that money in the most ungodly way as possible you'll start questioning if there is a god. I think it's interesting to know that your husband invested in a "Metal Truck Box Company" and that you will issue me an affidavit and think that i'll pray for your soul. I've got too many things to do, Ruth. I've got a MySpace AND a Facebook to maintain. What makes you think that I have time to be the child you could never have?

And why can't we talk on the phone? I want to hear about how much money you were planning to milk from me. I want to tell you that you've chosen to scam someone who doesn't even work and too tight-arse about spending. I want to ask you why you over-use the term herein.


I hope the Lords bosom is comfy.


Dream big.


Too busy to be remained blessed in the Lord and far from Gods love,
Kristine

Pretty prease

This is going to sound odd and maybe a little demanding...

I really want Schleich animal toys for Christmas. Just one figurine will do.

People think they're clever calling CityRail "ShittyRail". You're not clever anymore, it's real now.

So after stopping by American Apparel with Mum and walking out with an irregular "Hh" printed shirt, I endured another painful CityRail ride. I'm too lazy to back track and find the blog where I vented about my olfactory senses being completely annihilated by shit on a train. It' just happend...again. Different carriage this time, thank fucking god. Nevertherless, i'm still on a train with shit oh and vomit. Some girl let loose on a sandwich bag and brought up breakfast. Bodily fluids and solids left, right, centre, in sandwich bags and on the floor.

I think I have seen it all and trust me, I have seen enough.

Next time I catch a train and some guy next to me starts shitting vomit and a cute girl projectile vomits sandwich bags of rotting flesh at my feet and people start having golden showers and sex around me, I'm not going to be surprised. I'll just sit back, let out a really long sigh and turn up my music to 25. You know why? because somehow, someday, some other sick thing will top that.

You know at least the people at Coogee Bay Hotel put it in the food instead of leaving in on the fucking floor. A little decorum, please.

Twilight

http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/

Big hit right?

Dream Analysts, observe this

I dreamt of a candy store, Willy Wonka-esque with a touch of phallus..

I consumed on an enormous gummy penis with classmates who were still deciding on what to order at a Candy Store (indecisive fools). Strange, I know what you're thinking, who the hell orders at a candy store?At first I was a little uncomfortable eating a large, extremely detailed gummy penis but then before I could gather my thoughts, I was already eating it.


Maybe I should start a chain of stores? Dream come true?
I could probably start working on a promotional plan, figure out a budget, promotional activities, timing and the target market.

Ceci n'est pas une blog

My inebriated Father told me that I look "so much better" than Sunday Rose. Then he uh you know...started talking to my dog and starting asking for his opinion. Nevertheless, he's never seen the kid, in fact, no one has seen this kid. Unless your perched on a branch above the Kidman-Urban household waiting for newsworthy pictures or not altogether "there" and waiting for the right moment to sneak into the house and sniff clothes and steal furnishings.


and WAIT...is it a compliment if you're told you are much more appealing than, what could be, a faceless baby? What am I up against?


Whatever. Let's move on to more serious subject,

Flashing, retina burning messages? Failed
Ad's where you scroll over and the cursors start talking or it cues the shitty karaoke-esque music? Failed
Cute character curses with a wailing bear background? Genius

Whoever was behind this ploy deserves a tonne of Allens Snakes Alive and some weed.

I really like that toaster cursor. It makes no sense to me and I am totally won over by it.

In some parts of Asia, anything tax related can be a fetish

Theres something unsettling about a Law teacher telling you that you'll be covering a "sexy" subject that will "get your juices flowing". We covered taxes.

I'm sure Wesley Snipes had his juices flowing. Maybe he was being overtly sexy and pushed it too far and now he's doing 3 years for tax evasion. Poor fella.

80 losses could have been damaging to my self esteem

I know you can't see that and it's out of my control that it uploads that small but that's not as newsworthy as finally winning a game of Hearts. My faith in life has been restored. I used to think that creating disturbing images from simple scribbles was my only talent, but now I can say that I am almost an ok computer card game player.

In real life, 79 loses would have me sleeping on a towel in my empty home wondering if the towel can be pawned for a couple of dollars for another game. There would be interventions, ties with mobs, a little stripping here and there and at this stage I may be considering baby trafficking.

Is that a little too extreme? Chronic gamblers, correct me if I am wrong.

For better understanding, I have related my dilemma to STD's

I've realised that the computers at my college are like diseased ridden whores. You look at them and you want to shove your USB right inside and take advantage of the free printing. You know the dangers, you've caught something before but fuck..you really want that article printed out. You accept the risk and now you've got some Indonesian USB virus that is impossible to annihilate. You honestly have more chance of removing your genital herpes with prayer.


I take the shame. I've recognised that I have a problem and I am willing to seek help.

Raging femme

Raging Femme Month (RFM) is a spectacular period (shut up there is no pun intended) where you rage at everything. Life is good.

I spent a good hour complaining about why the pop-top of my water bottle is so hard to open. Fucking Crystal Waters company. "Warning: This sportscap is unsuitable for children under 3" No.fucking.problem Crystal Waters not even a 19 year old hormonal young lady can open the fucking thing.

I'm calming myself down as we speak. A healthy supply of Darjeeling tea and craisins at my side to keep me from raging.

Let's move on to other, less angrier things. Only By The Night Kings of Leon. I don't listen to Notion, Crawl and Closer. I think it's perfectly healthy to not enjoy 3 songs out of the 50 or so songs they've made. I'll stand with the percentage of fans that say that miss their older sound, but I won't be siding with those who have completely stopped listening and called them sell-outs. I'm not going to spend time commenting every youtube video with "Miss them :(" or "Wot happen to dem ;(" or harassing forums going on a diatribe on how they've sold out.

You rage, you lose.

I rage, I fucking lose it over plastic nonsense

If you know me at all you'll already have known that i'm an incredibly huge fan. 4 years listening and wanting to sleep with either Caleb or Nathan (both taken now, so dreams have been quashed).


Still genuises and still doning flesh tight jeans.

Dope hope

I hope that you hope that I own these soon.

My asshole behaviour balances out my patience, I swear

Is it awful that people's weird ridiculous drama is my own entertainment? Probably, depending on who you are, but you're not living in my mind where there are no more lines to cross.


Life is good.


Holiday menthols are kind of cute. They do no damage. Cute little nothings.

Lawn Bowls

I ain't too shit for a sport I have never played, until last night.

Wolf man

[used to be a picture of David Williams here. Please, imagine a muscly beardy man here.]

Please get the beard back Mr. Williams.

Like it's no ones business.

This guys douche game is strong.

The Delta of Venus and the Alpha Achievers

Halfway through. I usually don't read if theres someone sitting next to me on the train. I irks me to have someone peering over my shoulder, invading my sacrosanct reading space. Get your own copy.

Was my day off today but spent it in the city sorting out papers for this Student Achiever Award. Yeah, it's real and it's happening as we speak. There are two people chosen from each Tourism and Management classes from my building so, let us pray to Bog that one of us takes home the title, the moolah and the paper that proves you were a part of this whirlwind.

Well..I've done it now

I'm a nominee for the NSW Tourism Ministers Student Achiever Award


Recently I accepted that I was "safe" in this course and just passing whatever exam, assessment or "quizette" was thrown in my direction.

Turns out i'm getting a little more marks than I had expected. Fuckin A.

For a wee moment I suspected that this is only delirium and lack of sleep has bombarded my mind with a sick fantasy of winning an academic award. How embarassing that would be, if that were the case. You know, nonchalantly making my way to the Head of Tourism's office in the building, asking the Head Teacher for papers to sign and submit to get my nominated derriere secured into this bitch. He'll look at me, pat me on the back and laugh at the joke I apparently just made. Dumbfounded, I'll wander back to class and tell people that "Yeah...he said I've got a good chance at winning this thing" then avoid all conversation about it. Pretend it went through at a private location, with no media coverage and no fuss. When people congratulate in the hallways, scurry off and tell everyone it was nothing and to possibly shut the fuck up a just a little bit.



Ok. I'm sleeping now.

~Dreamz~

God, I had a dream I was making out with the troubled teen from Days of Our Lives.

That's FUBAR.

We're getting older and turning into A-holes. Get used to it

We're always going to hate people younger than us.

Everyone has had their fair share of ripping into those people who are 3+ years younger. It's in your blood. You know you are that pissed when you put your heart and soul into your argument and start referring to these people as kids, even though they aren't that much younger. I'm guilty of doing it, but i'm sure those group of people are going to do the same in a few more years. It's a neverending cycle that we acknowledge.

You will constantly look at those people and go on a diatribe about how you were never like that or how you started and brought in what they're enjoying right now.

You want that sense of knowing that these people are the product of your awesomeness but in no way do you want them to be your comrades. It's about who did it first and who did it better.

A group of teenagers in front of me in the tunnel are too busy taking pictures, burning each other with lame insults, exchanging inside jokes and having way too much fun on a Thursday afternoon. Instantly I hated them. Not for the good reason that they were walking slower and in my way and I had only 3 minutes to catch a train and it's a solid 10 minute walk. I was mad at that, sure, but I twisted it to a point where I came to the conclusion that I wanted to stab everyone that belonged to that particular age group. They had gotten over that hump called the HSC, which seems like a big deal but when you finish it you don't give two shits about it. It's kind of like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. "Yeah, i've done it, big deal. It's nothing. I know more than you moron children. " Is roughly what I had running through my mind. Thinking about it now, I was exactly the same way when I finished my HSC. Possibly more shittier and irritating rocking the years worst haircut.

Why I decided to secretly pick on them instead of excusing myself between them to get my train is beyond me.


Let's embrace this shitty little thing and move on.

Keys & Lips

The Black Lips. Yeah, it's love. Dirty Hands made me wee myself a little and the Jacque Dutronc cover Hippie Hippie Hoorah is the best song to listen to when killing time on Level two at the Marcus Clarke building. Veni Vidi Vici happens to be my ringtone, why? Because that beat will catch my attention faster than Andy Dick whipping out his sweet-n-low to give Steve-O a golden shower. Gentle Violence is the best song for getting ready at 7:30am. There is a song for every component of your day. Is it me or doesmy Black Lips adoration contain one too many references to urine? Whatever.

Wee wee wee.

Moving on,

Christ, I think naughty things when I hear their music. As a huge fan of Hendrix, they won me over faster than..yeah..probably the Andy Dick thing but anyway, Your Touch is so god damn good I'm probably going to pass out and froth at the mouth. It's still the tune I choose to listen to when I'm walking to the bus stop, to class through that god forsaken tunnel or if I just want to drink. Midnight In Her Eyes makes me want to have a whiskey in my hand and a nights worth of cigarettes. I'm low on cash to have either but damnit, I'll dream. Girl is on my mind...don't even get me started. Let me just say that it's probably the ideal song for when you're perving on delectable strangers.

Faces of D-grade's

Yeah, I don't know if you can see that but uh Xzibit (that took too long to type) and I are beyond chummy. Celeb's, well Xzibit isn't really a...nevermind, anyway celeb's will soon realise how amazing my book of face is and send me messages about tickets and "friendly reminders"

Onto more celeb's, I found Charlie Sheen's 23 year old daughter on Facebook too

Oh but she really isn't a....no it's ok, scrap that.

50

Blog entries. What a milestone.

It's probably also the number of times I have looked in the mirror and kind of missed my long hair.

Farewell, long and dead locks.

It was a decision I made when I was outside, the wind blowing all over my face and into my mouth, mouthful of split ends and nonsense. I'll miss it just a little.

[couple of hours later] Holy crap I forgot I was making an entry.

Anyway, I've ordered some Lacoste shoes and will (hopefully) be making my merry way down to Parramatta to pick them up. I'll be cleaning my house before that.

Fucking dirty house.

I think I'm going to get a Bubble-O-Bill tomorrow.

You know, Alexa Chung

You don't have to be so fucking cute, but you are!

Friday epiphany

Last night I discovered the beauty of concrete and Campari.

Six different drinks, incredibly deep conversations, cigarettes and Campari breath and taxi drivers almost taking us to the Inner West (!) which would have cost at least $40 (!!!!!).
The feeling of coming home and brushing your teeth after a long day like that is unutterably the best feeling in the world. Furry teeth and rank breath be gone!


Now I'm going to end it here because I need to shower. My hair smells like city and cigarettes.

Spring Holiday Scheme

Get drunk and eat watermelons in the sun. God, it's going to be righteous. In the words of poor Hum, I'm entering a plane of being where nothing matters.

I'll probably read a book in between the intoxication and the watermelon consumption and the heatstroke. Maybe tan a little and learn how to make potato bake. I'll document this for my own amusement. When it's too hot, I'll find a chatroom and mess with people and tell them they have no life, when in fact I went out of my way to annoy them.








Oh and I probably want to get a little high in between all of that.

Really.

Tastes like shit.

Abject failure

Apparently, St. Uriel you are my Guardian Angel.

That's interesting 'cause..

WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU WHEN I JACKED UP MY LEFT SHIN ON METAL STAIRS?

Note to idiot-self

Maybe knocking back a few drinks before law class is not a wise idea. Sounds like a marvellous idea after the first few drinks and cigarettes though. Sitting in class feeling like you're about to nod off or realising that the little plug on the end of the pen is the most interesting piece of plastic ever made by man..

..is not right.

Next Wednesdays plans to get completely wasted has been deep sixed.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I can't concentrate in class. I don't even want to be in class. I kind of just want to stay at home in my backyard, have a couple of cigarettes, soak in the sun and just be. I'm probably reading it too fast and by the end of the week I'll have nothing to read and probably read it all over again. No harm in that.

Charlie, you are trouble.

Tales of woah.

Witnessing someone who has had probably their bodyweight in beer on a Monday night bring up their days meals is not something you want to see after a long day.

Having breakfast without having those images pop up into your head is true survival. Having a nice bowl of oatmeal and thinking about manic Monday ruined my morning. Half a bowl of wholesome oatmeal in the bin.

Wisdom teefies

One popping up is a dilemma. The other one just starting to come through, is just a fucking crisis. Seriously, god help the bottom row of teefies. I spent the 7th grade getting those fuckers into line and no intrusive wisdom teeth are going to fuck my glory right in the external anal sphincter. The only teeth I despise.

FUCK YOU!

"Green Tea Frapuccino, Baby?"

I heard right.
Starbucks employees at the airport are very friendly.

A girl who hasnt had a shower, wearing her crinkled flanno shirt and leggings is just asking to be seduced.

Delicious, sans the cream.

Gutter mind

Uh, I want this?

Peverted? Yeah, I fucking guess so.
I'll try The Secret's techniques and ask the universe for this book to magically appear on my doorstep.

Come on Universe.
Help a sistah out?

I Gantt do it

See what I did there?

Vomit, for reals. Girly crush phase over.
It's dull and bordering annoying now. I'm not impressed anymore nor do I participate in exchaning cute waves, it's all grunts and half-ass waves.

I'm too tired to do such things.

I've got Gantt Charts, fundraising for the project event, writing an introduction for the project brief, sorting my folders, peeling a banana, eating it and then back to Gantt.


In the words of Dim
"Bedways is rightways now, best we go homeways"

Dear Universe

Find me the culprit who stole $5 from my fundraising box and I won't blame it on you. You initially owed me $2 but now because of this dilemma and because I can't point the finger, you now owe $7.

I'll send an invoice.

Thanks and regards,

Kristine

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Nothing is possibly more awesome than a reverse solidus/backward slash burn mark. Nothing.

Except the perfect rainbow outside. I almost shed a tear from it's beauty, I then realised that I was probably standing right next to dog shit and I ran back inside.

Yikes

Girly crushes are harrowing. How am I supposed to finish Dangerous Liaisons without thinking about adorable foreigners winning me over with cute playful crap here and there? Shit.

I might vomit :)

SWEET ONE NINE

Nineteen is the number for Potassium. Fuck my birthday. Celebrate Potassium.

Good goodness

I think my Human Resource teacher has a fear of contracting Legionella. She keeps the A/C on and tells us that we either freeze or it's a Legionella party. Air has to circulate and blah blah, you know. I totally understand, I mean if it were a different situation involving spiders and or mould I'd sacrifice everyones comfort so that I wouldnt have to face those two god damn things. Monday mornings are going to be cold, but at least we wont have severe fevers, bum kidneys, delerium and find ourselves pissing out of our assholes 349857 times in the day.

She let's us eat in class and if she ever changed her mind about that then I'd be fucking pissed.



[UPDATE] THE CA$HBACK FUCKING WORKED! HUZZAH!

The Richardsons

Kinokuniya is a bookstore with almost every book you could ever think of.

Terry Richardsons books cannot be found at Basement Books at rock bottom prices. But it's totally worth it. Terryworld was right in front of me and all I wanted to do was grab the book and do a runner. If you know me in real life you'll know that Terry Richardson happens to be my favourite point + shoot photographer. I was won over by the Sisley campaigns. They were raw as fuck. Back to the the book, it was all wrapped up in a thin film of plastic to stop filthy paws, like mine, flipping through it and probably so some curious and quizzical child flips through the adventures of Terrys manhood.

It won't take long to have my hands on this book. I hope I didn't just jinx myself then.

Now onto the late Bob Richardson. So my friend and I realise that we have more time to kill and since Kinokuniya is the place of endless books, why don't we look for Bob Richardsons book. Success. Huge book with amazing photographs of Mr. Richardsons work throughout the 60's and 70's (appearances by Angelica Huston) and towards the end, some family photos. Fashion photography at it's best.

Oh and this book gave me a papercut, so I'm definitely getting it now.

Good things come to those who drivel.

A night in the city with good people is a great way to wrap up three weeks of no-TAFE.
There is a day between my sleep-in days and my get-up-at-5am days. I'm going to spend it well and I don't even know how. I should probably clean more of my shoes.

Wow, my Father just drunk dialed me.

Anyway, I like to think that these past three weeks have been productive. Except of course that part where I fuck up $100 cashback claim. NEVERTHELESS, it's been eventful. Just in case I'm asked "Oh Kristine, let's smalltalk, how was your break?" I can confidently compile and deliver several tangible moments.

Oh and that USB I lost? http://hurrahhuzzah.blogspot.com/2008/05/string-of-unfortunates.html

Found. Too fucking late.

Let the wild rumpus start

I cannot wait til this beauty comes out in 2009.


I remember reading the book in primary school and so badly wanting to be Max and have this fucking wolf suit. I still want it. I want to nap in it, head down to the shops for lunch in it, roll in fields- all that shit and more.

Alrighty, let us move on. Today I have errands. I figure listing them must be boring and posting pictures is even more pointless and a little lame. But oh what the fuck eh?


Wash this

Wash that

Hang this

Remove that. The fuck is it doing in a tree anyway?

Hide this

Organise that

and that

Try this

Eat that

Vanessa Hudgens should have used a better camera. Like The Cybershot DSC-T2 digital camera.

Hey Sony! That was a shameless product endorsment. Send the merchandise my way.

Anyway, overcoming my irrational fear of spiders is a tough as shit task. Googling "Big Spiders" and enduring page after page of pictures, well I thought, would be the start of a cure. I think i've moved backwards. I think spiders are misunderstood creatures. I'd like to look at one and stare in awe and admire it's beauty rather than swear at it and look crazy to the neighbours. They're scarier than Disneys cavalier response to Vanessa Hudgens leaked photos. She's still in High School Musical 3. I guess shes in it for the long run. You know, when it's like the 4th sequel and they're still singing and dancing about how they don't want to sing and dance. Never. Gets. Old. Wait..where am I going with this?

Fuck it.

Anyway, onto other news, the Pope and his posse of celebates are in town. It's kind of cute how excited they are. What's not cute, are those fucking flags that they carry around. That shit is bound to skewer a couple of civillians.


I digress.



Bye.

To all of you, one of you..none of you?

Today was just surreal. I've heard about how bad CityRail trains are, believe me I understand. Today..today was just my day, my ticket to witness the height of human failure.

So we start off with my dinky little self on the way to the station, to catch my train home. I'm tired, grumpy, in need of a good shower. 5 minutes til my next train. Seeing that 5 minutes turn into 60 minutes really grinds my womanhood. Some idiot decides to take a walk on the platforma sandwich and a diet coke later, I am now back to 5 minutes. I'm just tired, I and throws the train schedule into this whirlwind of fuckshit. So a couple of cigarettes, did not want to deal with World Youth Day youths scurrying around me breathing their excitement all over my big bowl of fuckoff.

That 5 minutes turns into 10 minutes.

I honestly thought that my rage and frustration would result in a nose bleed or early period. Either way, I expected something to start bleeding.

Train comes and I fall asleep. Waking up here or there just to make sure that some thief hasnt nicked my handbag or a random mongatard feeling me up. My stop comes and I feel like i've "recharged" and I make my way up to the door and realise that there is this fucking untolerable smell. Trains get smelly, this was different. I found the source, shit. Fecal matter in a coffee cup with the lid just carefully placed next to it. The train is air-conditioned, so you can't crack a window open and give your olfactory senses a chance to recuperate, just sit through the next station with the re-circulating air.


So before you complain about rail officers, delayed trains, packed trains, broken seats, trains littered with MX papers etc. just remember this entry. Unless you have sat through a closed-off carriage, with a coffee cup ticked latte, only the latte is finished and the consumer decided to leave his/her own stool sample, then you've had an amazing journey home.

Dumbfuckery

I may have lost the chance to claim $100 from Acers cashback crap. God. It does not feel good. Nauseating.

Moving on from my pathetic actions, I stop by Basement Books when i'm trying to kill time, when i'm in the city. I came across some Journal for cheap and thought i'd grab it then and there before I decide to come back another day, only to books with unrealistic families picnic-ing with puppies. 120+ blank pages waiting for me and my felt tip to scribble magic. Adrian Tomine's illustrations on the corner or at the top of every page. It's kind of perfect.

The cover caught my eye, I happend to be passing by the stationary section and found this gem wedged between flowery, glittery notepads and A-Z telephone books decorated with nauseating swirls of pastel colours.

So i'm going to leave it here. Head off to this amazing little book and pen down some of my disturbing and dark feelings towards my $100 loss.

Rabble Rabble Rabble

Bless these Swedes. They're making my time before day time soap operas magnificent.

Divinity

Goodbye IBM ThinkPad, Hello Acer. Me and this old piece of shit called my laptop have quite a history. Comical even. I'm not going to lie, i'll half miss this archaic distaster.

By the way, this bitch is in for the Diploma. Five more months of solid studying and tanning on level 2. Reminds me to go swing by the info office and get me a concession pass. My non-existent income and ShittyRail prices just don't mesh, you know?

I'm going to celebrate my moving on with a platter of these babies

Shit is so divine.

Hurrah

My Thursday night was all about dinky, custard-filled cake things, complimentary Asahi beer, an array of impressive works by Kevin Lyons and the highly anticipated ice-cream that turned out to be humdrum. I guess I should have written about this earlier. Buggeration. I'm kind of a dead-bet blogger these days.

Oh that ice-cream? Disappointing. It wasnt disgusting, no, just bland. My high expectations for this calcium pumped slab of creamed ice were deep sixed.

Asahi beer? Pure excellence. Free Asahi beer? Phenomenal.

Kevin Lyons? Just as phenomenal as free Japansese beer.

Unbelievably important issues

Is my left hand ready?

Sure fucking hope so. Angela Jeff, i'm not sure what i'm in for but I can assure you that my left hand is prepared for whatever it is that you want it to do. Definitely prepared to; point at my boring non-existent wife and tell her that shes killing me, write my "divorcement" papers oh and definitely determine male from female. Don't you worry Kate Martha, you leave that gender-bender to me.

Take the tasks and run with it

Short of breath (patience too) but hey, i'm still running.

I stumbled upon different execution methods on wikipedia. Some serious chills up the spine.

"The condemned was hung upside down and then sawed apart down the middle, starting at the crotch".
I think nowadays you just get a slap on the wrist and pat on the bottom to send you on your way. Although there is this 8 letter word that could be your ticket away from being someones prison bitch. Hello, insanity.

There are a select few who deserve a little sawing at the crotch. They arent even criminals either.

Orange you glad you're losing your sanity?

There is nothing more annoying than having this little, orange, battery light on your laptop flashing at you constantly. Battery charged? 100%. That means it should be green and SOLID. This is the ultimate torture method. Just sit and work on my laptop and you'll start contemplating snorting up metal shavings, bashing your head in with a mallet and if you have time rub salt and the remaining shavings into the wounds.


This is driving me insane. I'm probably going to just cover it up with some tape until I figure out whats wrong with it. Thats another thing that pisses me off. How many people out there have IBM ThinkPads? None?


That's right, you've moved up in the technical world. Good move.

The Law of Douchebaggery

To go hand in hand with your headache, morons will throw endless, unwanted smart ass comments to you.

Come on Kristine, i'm getting old here

Three weeks and this course is done. Three weeks of free time. That time should be dedicated to:

-Working on my non-existent culinary skills.
-Finishing Grand Theft Auto.
-Finding a place that has French Onion Soup.
-Finishing Lolita.
-Painting and scribbling vulgar things from simple squiggles.
-Finding a cape.



God that last one needs to be accomplished soon. Before the desire fades.

Product endorsement

T2. I only go to smell the tea and hang around for samples. I suggest you do the same. Creme brulee and Strawberries and Cream. How.

http://www.t2tea.com.au/

Will there ever be a day where I actually purchase some tea and quit sticking my shnoz in the sample jars? Yes, but not anytime soon. I don't even know why i'm so shocked after smelling the same tea for the 6th time.

The power of T2.