People think they're clever calling CityRail "ShittyRail". You're not clever anymore, it's real now.

So after stopping by American Apparel with Mum and walking out with an irregular "Hh" printed shirt, I endured another painful CityRail ride. I'm too lazy to back track and find the blog where I vented about my olfactory senses being completely annihilated by shit on a train. It' just happend...again. Different carriage this time, thank fucking god. Nevertherless, i'm still on a train with shit oh and vomit. Some girl let loose on a sandwich bag and brought up breakfast. Bodily fluids and solids left, right, centre, in sandwich bags and on the floor.

I think I have seen it all and trust me, I have seen enough.

Next time I catch a train and some guy next to me starts shitting vomit and a cute girl projectile vomits sandwich bags of rotting flesh at my feet and people start having golden showers and sex around me, I'm not going to be surprised. I'll just sit back, let out a really long sigh and turn up my music to 25. You know why? because somehow, someday, some other sick thing will top that.

You know at least the people at Coogee Bay Hotel put it in the food instead of leaving in on the fucking floor. A little decorum, please.

Twilight

http://www.hollywoodgrind.com/

Big hit right?

Dream Analysts, observe this

I dreamt of a candy store, Willy Wonka-esque with a touch of phallus..

I consumed on an enormous gummy penis with classmates who were still deciding on what to order at a Candy Store (indecisive fools). Strange, I know what you're thinking, who the hell orders at a candy store?At first I was a little uncomfortable eating a large, extremely detailed gummy penis but then before I could gather my thoughts, I was already eating it.


Maybe I should start a chain of stores? Dream come true?
I could probably start working on a promotional plan, figure out a budget, promotional activities, timing and the target market.

Ceci n'est pas une blog

My inebriated Father told me that I look "so much better" than Sunday Rose. Then he uh you know...started talking to my dog and starting asking for his opinion. Nevertheless, he's never seen the kid, in fact, no one has seen this kid. Unless your perched on a branch above the Kidman-Urban household waiting for newsworthy pictures or not altogether "there" and waiting for the right moment to sneak into the house and sniff clothes and steal furnishings.


and WAIT...is it a compliment if you're told you are much more appealing than, what could be, a faceless baby? What am I up against?


Whatever. Let's move on to more serious subject,

Flashing, retina burning messages? Failed
Ad's where you scroll over and the cursors start talking or it cues the shitty karaoke-esque music? Failed
Cute character curses with a wailing bear background? Genius

Whoever was behind this ploy deserves a tonne of Allens Snakes Alive and some weed.

I really like that toaster cursor. It makes no sense to me and I am totally won over by it.

In some parts of Asia, anything tax related can be a fetish

Theres something unsettling about a Law teacher telling you that you'll be covering a "sexy" subject that will "get your juices flowing". We covered taxes.

I'm sure Wesley Snipes had his juices flowing. Maybe he was being overtly sexy and pushed it too far and now he's doing 3 years for tax evasion. Poor fella.

80 losses could have been damaging to my self esteem

I know you can't see that and it's out of my control that it uploads that small but that's not as newsworthy as finally winning a game of Hearts. My faith in life has been restored. I used to think that creating disturbing images from simple scribbles was my only talent, but now I can say that I am almost an ok computer card game player.

In real life, 79 loses would have me sleeping on a towel in my empty home wondering if the towel can be pawned for a couple of dollars for another game. There would be interventions, ties with mobs, a little stripping here and there and at this stage I may be considering baby trafficking.

Is that a little too extreme? Chronic gamblers, correct me if I am wrong.

For better understanding, I have related my dilemma to STD's

I've realised that the computers at my college are like diseased ridden whores. You look at them and you want to shove your USB right inside and take advantage of the free printing. You know the dangers, you've caught something before but fuck..you really want that article printed out. You accept the risk and now you've got some Indonesian USB virus that is impossible to annihilate. You honestly have more chance of removing your genital herpes with prayer.


I take the shame. I've recognised that I have a problem and I am willing to seek help.

Raging femme

Raging Femme Month (RFM) is a spectacular period (shut up there is no pun intended) where you rage at everything. Life is good.

I spent a good hour complaining about why the pop-top of my water bottle is so hard to open. Fucking Crystal Waters company. "Warning: This sportscap is unsuitable for children under 3" No.fucking.problem Crystal Waters not even a 19 year old hormonal young lady can open the fucking thing.

I'm calming myself down as we speak. A healthy supply of Darjeeling tea and craisins at my side to keep me from raging.

Let's move on to other, less angrier things. Only By The Night Kings of Leon. I don't listen to Notion, Crawl and Closer. I think it's perfectly healthy to not enjoy 3 songs out of the 50 or so songs they've made. I'll stand with the percentage of fans that say that miss their older sound, but I won't be siding with those who have completely stopped listening and called them sell-outs. I'm not going to spend time commenting every youtube video with "Miss them :(" or "Wot happen to dem ;(" or harassing forums going on a diatribe on how they've sold out.

You rage, you lose.

I rage, I fucking lose it over plastic nonsense

If you know me at all you'll already have known that i'm an incredibly huge fan. 4 years listening and wanting to sleep with either Caleb or Nathan (both taken now, so dreams have been quashed).


Still genuises and still doning flesh tight jeans.

Dope hope

I hope that you hope that I own these soon.

My asshole behaviour balances out my patience, I swear

Is it awful that people's weird ridiculous drama is my own entertainment? Probably, depending on who you are, but you're not living in my mind where there are no more lines to cross.


Life is good.


Holiday menthols are kind of cute. They do no damage. Cute little nothings.