2008

Animal Collective - Did You See The Words?
The Avalanches - Since I Left You
The Beatles - Dear Prudence
Beirut - Elephant Gun
Beirut - Nantes
Belle and Sebastian - We Are The Sleepyheads
Black Flag - Six Pack
Black Lips - Feeling Gay
Black Lips - Dirty Hands
Black Lips - Bad Kids
Chad VanGaalen - Clinically Dead
Chad VanGaalen - City of Electric Lights
David Bowie - Queen Bitch
Deerhunter - Agoraphobia
Dinosaur Jr. - Blowing It
Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
Girl Talk - Double Pump
Girl Talk - Smash Your Head
Good Shoes - Sophia
Kings of Leon
Lightspeed Champion - Midnight Surprise
Mercy Arms - Half Right
Minor Threat - In My Eyes
Municipal Waste - Born To Party
Municipal Waste - Tango and Thrash
New Order - Ceremony
Nico - These Days
Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time
The Rolling Stones - Shes Like A Rainbow
The Smiths - This Charming Man
Testicicles - All You Need Is Blood
Thao Nguyen with the Get Down Stay Down - Swimming Pools
The Tigers - Beezus
Vampire Weekend - Mansard Roof
Van She - Changes
The War on Drugs - Taking The Farm

Travelling with Paradise

Until I get out of the house and thrown into a job, i'll start producing more thrilling entries. Unless the quarrels that go on in this house excite you, then of course tell me.

My very last Christmas present made up for the impractical junk that sits under my bed collecting dust.

Many thanks to you Lady Vanessa.

I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac and after reading the first few pages a few months ago and thinking it was drab, it's actually great. I've highlighted the parts I like, why? Because it's my copy and if you choose to borrow it you have to deal with highlighter streaks on random pages. Despite not knowing half of the many places Sal Paradise visits, i'm enjoying it. See, if i'm not leaving the house or really, the Western Sydney Suburbs, i'll travel with Sal.

We're on our way to New York, after making love to Mexican Terry under the hairy tarantula in Sabinal.

Goodnight.

Nextmas, please

Christmas Eve gifts:

1. Maracas
2. J-lo fragrance

I can smell like a big ass has-been and draw attention by using the ever so practical maracas.

Christmas spirit. I've got it.

This is what I scribbled during a conversation with a good friend. We never discussed Christmas and somehow my subconcious has produced some sort of vulgar incoherent Christmas greeting.

Merry Fuckmas, fuckers.

Sweet Jesus on an clothes horse

http://viacomit.free.fr/

Styled by Carine Roitfeld, snapped by Terry Richardson. If your boner doesn't shoot up and give you a black eye, you might need to get checked.

Tape those boners down, we're on to something a little heartbreaking. Today I tried to find a replacement anchor for my lonely chain. No find. No 7/11 slurpee could fix the nonsense, and it was such a toothsome and refreshing slurpee.

I probably need to get tested

I had a dream that Al Bundy was sucking my friends toes.

Tuckman to the tree

Teams go through 5 stages of group development.

-Forming
-Storming
-Norming
-Performing
-Adjourning (damn it, doesn't rhyme)

Forming

Mum, Dad and Tine of the W.O.M decide that putting up the tree now would be less ridiculous than putting up the tree closer to the Christmas date.

Storming

We all have different ideas and schemes for asembling the tree and hey what do you know, conflicting ideas. Mum would like to start from the top to bottom, I want to start from the bottom to the top and Dad would like to just stick all of the branches wherever and hope to god that it's right. I think a lot of issues arose though, like who never does the dishes, who broke the microwave and basically we all pointed the finger at each other and stated that one or the other was mentally handicapped.

Norming

We're tired at this point and now just tolerating each others behaviour. By tolerating, I mean selective hearing and completely ignoring everyone. Mum is starting at the top and I am starting at the bottom and we've decided to meet at the middle to verbally abuse each other on who was wrong. Dad on the other hand left and went to bed so his argument had been deep sixed.

Performing

I think this phase didn't come in at all. If I said that the Christmas tree was assembled efficiently and effectively, i'd have to delete everything aforementioned.

Adjourning

The tree is up and we've all decided that who ever fuck's up the most next year has to put the tree up alone, with no help or guidance. This involves retrieving the tree from the spider breeding ground shed, a lot of dust in the sinuses and having to deal with wires in your face.




What a whirlwind.

I'm riding the "Awesome #FF2052" and "Torch Red #FD0E35" wave

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Crayola_crayon_colors

In 1903 when Binney & Smith decided to create the Crayola crayon colours, they forgot a couple. I like to call them: 10 knife-weilding, blind, ADHD children running around your uterus #FE0908 and I hate being a young lady fuschia #FG7890

Fucking fuck fucked

I've mentioned being a menace to society. Have I told you that I am a menace to myself?

Last night:
1. Lost my phone stylus
2. Lost my little anchor necklace
3. Blood in the vomit
4. Vomit on the sheets
5. Realised that available sheets are too small for my bed

The anchor really gets to me. My shitty little black heart is going to burst out of my chest and leave me for the crazy shenanigans that I had been a part of on that Thursday night. The little blood in the vomit? Fuck it, I've just lost my favourite irreplacable necklace. I can make the blood in the vomit thing but I sure as fuck can't weld and mold me a perfect little anchor charm.

Before that shitwrecking whirlwind, I had fun. I laughed at/with people, rolled around in the grass with a goon bag, almost stepped in dog shit, talked to a german shepard, harassed people playing pool and got matching rub-on freddo tattoos with good people.

People always talked about being blind drunk and I thought it was just some stupid sugar coated term that people used to explain why they ended up sleeping with the large nymphomaniac. Blind drunk is real. I remember sitting down and not being able to see straight, everything was just a mix of colours and unbearable noise. What's most surprising is that I couldn't see anyone, yet I could see the vomit on my shoes when pointed out to me.




Like my vomit, this blog is a little bit everywhere.

Sometimes being a menace to society gets tiring.

So I spend most of my days playing Grand Theft Auto III, running over hookers, using my sniper rifle and shooting peoples legs off oh and sometimes I complete the missions.

Anyway, let me tell you what I've been listening to lately. The purpose of me showing you what I listen to is non-existent. Maybe you'll have a better understanding of how eclectic my taste is. I surprise myself sometimes.

LIMP WRISThttp://www.queerpunks.com/

MUNICIPAL WASTE

http://www.facethewaste.com/

THE CARPENTERS

BEIRUT

DIONNE WARWICK

Keep the clothes on Ms Warwick, this is a family blog for christ's sake.

Blessed is the hand that clicked "Junk mail"

Greeting from Ruth Dixon Benson

Dear in christ,

I saw your contact through the Internet directory and my instinct advised me to contact you, while I was searching for someone who can assist me in this great time of need, someone who can help me out of this my present predicament.

I am Ruth Dixon Benson from Kuwait. I am married to Mr.Jean Benson who worked with Kuwait embassy here in Ivory Coast for nine good years before he died.
We were married for many years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only Eight days. Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $(4.8 Million ) USD Four Million Eight Hunderd Dollar in a Metal Truck Box as a Family Valuable in a Finance Security Company here in Abidjan.Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or a God fearing person that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church or a God fearing Person that will use this fund for orphanages, hospitals, schools, widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth".... I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my late husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my late husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers, I really want it to be to the Glory of God and the service to humanity.

I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace".I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives are around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the relevant documents that will legalize you to have access over this fund.I will also issue you an affidavit that will proove you the present beneficiary of this fund in the Finance Security Company.I want you to always pray for me because the Lord is my shephard.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life and pray to God to forgive me my sins.
Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for another church or a God fearing person for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply....

Remain blessed in the Lord.
Your's Sister In Christ,
Mrs. Ruth Dixon Benson


-------------

Dear Mrs. Ruth Dixon Benson,


Your scam is tempting. I won't lie, I would use that money in the most ungodly way as possible you'll start questioning if there is a god. I think it's interesting to know that your husband invested in a "Metal Truck Box Company" and that you will issue me an affidavit and think that i'll pray for your soul. I've got too many things to do, Ruth. I've got a MySpace AND a Facebook to maintain. What makes you think that I have time to be the child you could never have?

And why can't we talk on the phone? I want to hear about how much money you were planning to milk from me. I want to tell you that you've chosen to scam someone who doesn't even work and too tight-arse about spending. I want to ask you why you over-use the term herein.


I hope the Lords bosom is comfy.


Dream big.


Too busy to be remained blessed in the Lord and far from Gods love,
Kristine

Pretty prease

This is going to sound odd and maybe a little demanding...

I really want Schleich animal toys for Christmas. Just one figurine will do.