Silver lining

Pool sex 101.

Oh yeah yeah yeah, I totally get it now. I know that feeling like the back of my hand. Like cumulonimbus and shit? That gets my toes curling.

You've got a date.

STFU FB

http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com/

This is one of the reasons why I stay on Facebook. Sugary, effusive, ima-call-you-bub-from-now-on couples who spend most of their time at work or at home telling the Facebook world about how lucky they are. I fucking hate you guys but i'm sick enough to love it. It tickles me.

This site gives me the chance to look at other assholes(yeah, that's right) who cannot STFU.

All those banal third-person status updates, petnames and quizzes about love...it's my meth.

I'm that bored

I needed something to do, so i'm stretching my ears. You know, African tribeswoman-esque but not quite. Just enough room to fit Pretz sticks in each lobe.

Fucking..what?

First time someone has questioned the authenticity of my hair. Am I wearing it in a way that makes it look fake?

I mean, who would buy a wig like this anyway? It's ever so fucking drab. I expect people to do much better if this is what they're buying.

Junk Mail Goldmine

This one went on for days, so i'm showing my favourite parts of this gem.

Good day, dear friend!

I am very mobile; I like to communicate with different people. It is not a problem for me to make an acquaintance with any person. I like to sing, to dance and to go in for sport. Singing helps me to experience different life situations; dancing helps me to express myself and sport helps me keep feet and healthy.

See you
Irishka C


Oh Irishka C, telling me that you're 'mobile' makes me believe that you've lost the use of your legs, but you seem to be so confident that I can take you anywhere. Most places I like have wheelchair access, so you've picked a winner. The singing to experience different life situations and dancing to express yourself makes me uncomfortable though. Let's say you and I went out to dinner and the credit card is declined or the table cloth gets caught in the spoke of your wheels or I don't show up? Are you going to honestly draw more attention to yourself and...sing? and dear god, dance?

What a hot, sad mess.

I had no idea..

...that Ludacris had the same concept.

It's possible

This may not mean anything to you, but re-organising my wardrobe and achieving this is worth telling the grandkids.

Credit to Ikea for providing me with the fold-out shelf shit.

H8 chu, Cliff

Life would be so much sweeter if a hoarde of people in colourful lycra and cassette tapes swirled around me everywhere I went. Cliff Richards looks like an emaciated librarian that I saw once (my skin, it crawled) and he doesn't deserve this.

Homeless romantic

Gone are the days of bogus African flings, this is the real thing. An enchanting afro courtship is what everyone needs in times like these.

Onto other news about my lonely life, i'm on the verge of making a scene in public just to keep me interesting. Like those homeless people at Central that have riveting conversations with themselves or the ones that crawl around collecting cigarette butts. There's actually this one lady that hassles people with an open empty wallet, fake crying that she left her wallet at the bank. So what is that in your hand you dumb scraggy broad? Sell me a better story and i'll throw a couple of cents your way.

Oh for fucks sake, my toast is burning. I'll end it here.