"Good day, pussycake"

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Suck brick

Can you believe this post was initially about Spandau Ballet's re-grouping and my love for the song True? I'm so glad I backspaced that nonsense.

Anyway, I just found this lying wedged between a porn DVD (Xtreme Escorts, 4 out of 10 gold stars) and Chanel perfume cards.

That's right. I bought a single grape and lychee. I'm in your fruit shops, making ridiculous purchases. "Just take them" said Vanessa but you know what? I earned my 30cents and I wanted to go all out with my earnings. I'm a wholesome consumer. I'm not one of those people who lollygag around each section "testing" fruits. You old people are starting to piss me off, your pathetic subtlety offends me. STOP EATING THE GRAPES. I once saw an old woman taste test a pineapple! What a wench. I help you people off the bus and up a flight of stairs and this is what you give back? Christ. I know I just went on about fruit to some level of rageism but I don't care.

I'm going to calm down, have some tea, eat hard earned fruits and finish my junior jumble.

Sounds like an old sick dog that had a vintage wall unit fall on it

I'm nursing such an ugly cough, I want to put myself down and damage my self esteem. Why am I listening to 'April Sun In Cuba' on a loop?

Maybe I have some sick parasite nestled in my brain.

Junk Mail Goldmine

Good day, dear!

The reason why I have not found the love of my life is because the love of mylife has not found me yet! So for to make your looking-for easier I'll writeseveral words aboutmyself. I am a very positive person. Never give up until the plan changes. I am cheerful, kindhearted and responsible. I do not have bad habits and I am always a good company. I like music and animals. I want to make his life beautiful! I want an honest man to share quality time with enjoying life we live. I like to open doors, hold hands. I am looking for ONE GOOD MAN who is looking for ONE GOOD WOMAN! http://super-biglove.com/looksgood/

See you laterV.N.


___________________________________

Dear V.N.,

"See you later"? Keep your distance, tiger. We need to talk.

I appreciate that you want to make my looking-for easier. You know, with your awkward choice of words and determination to make sure that you find a partner that will be willing to identify your body in case of something tragic. You tell me that you have no bad habits, which is a strong indication to me that you have a fetish for something that you can't explain through your several words. Are you a furry? Are you really willing to open the door for me at the bi-weekly furry swap meet?

Unfortunatly for you V.N, I am extremely picky about costumes and to be honest I can smell you from here. A strong stench of urine, B.O and cheap roll-on. Wow all the makings of a pre-owned Craigslist fursuit.

Oh and while you're online, if you arent too busy maintaining your forum, send a quick message to superbiglove.com and tell them that they are sending me people who are possibly a padlock away from being Josef Fritzl.


Soak that fursuit in Oxyclean for about 12 hours and keep your distance like the others,

Kristine

I want to impale myself on a pyramid

Kings of Leon were dreamy last night. Listening to this band through highschool up until now and seeing them right before my eyes felt magical. There was moment when I thought that if I found out that I was dying tomorrow, i'd feel pretty good knowing that I saw them before I kicked it. That sounds like poetic typical livejournal garb that everyone loves.

My body feels like it was thrown into a Top Model riot. I need these things right now:
1. Large slushie
2. Can of lychees
3. Long rope of red liquorice
4. Black ale
5. A mute Thai woman who has no problems spending the night relieving the amazing pain radiating throughout my body.

G-G-G-God damn it, I have to change my underwear

So theres that Simpsons episode where Mrs Krabappel is wearing a balloon dress and seductively pops them with a cigarette and of course no one in the natural world is wanting to see it.

Lady GaGa on the other hand...

You should probably tuck 'n' tape your boner down before it shoots up and bruises you on the chin and potentially knock you out. You need to be conscious for the whole 8 minutes and 2 seconds of delight.

Dear Mr. Jobs

Stop having ideas. I'm already tired of knowing that one of your creations can easily slip into a manilla folder or that I can shake the gadget to change a song.

Give me an mp3 that can roll cigarettes, order me a sandwich or take me back in time so I can unsee that picture of the naked ex-member of Operator Please.

Use that god damn silver fox haired head of yours.

Those deadbeats

I usually go outside my backyard for a cig to calm my bones from a long and tedious day and soak in the afternoon delight which is screaming children and even louder parents. I sit under the plum tree, rip leaves and burn things and check on the little nest above my head which lately, has been abandoned. There are two eggs sitting inside and it's sweet looking and amateur photographers and poets would flock to the tree and have their moments.

Anyway, somewhere in my blackened soul, I feel sorry for these poor almost-birds.

I might have a Fly Away Home moment and nuture the eggs, find myself, fly a plane and teach the birds to fly then become a fulfilled young woman who wears ugly floral hats. I think I have room in 2009 for that!

I'm tired of this

Some of the things I cook (if you can call it cooking) disastrously is half of the time excusable.
I just burnt chicken nuggets. They're already cooked, it just need to be reheated. Such a fool proof product and I managed to embarass myself yet again.

Tastes like burnt rubber and hell I feel like i've been in the face with a Goodyear tyre.

Speaking of hits to the face, i'm also sick of this Chris Brown and Rhianna noise. Just let the girl be with Ike Turner for christ sake and leave it at that. We've got such more important issues to deal with like, the Octomom's video diary for Entertainment Tonight. What an ordeal hey?