Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Becauz I couldn't be bothered constructing an effective blogpost

1. Sartorialist in Sydney. Make your way to Mt Druitt, Mr. Schuman. It'll blow you out of the water.

2. My May is going to be as busy as hell and thinking about it makes me want to do a massive nervous shit. June, be gentle to me.

3. I have a job interview on Thursday which is exciting. Just thinking about having a some form of income makes me melt.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Take That and Katie Melua appeared out of nowhere in my iTunes

Death.

Anyway, here's another sandwich bigger than my face.
How I manage to find space for this in me amazes me too. Assuming that any one reading this would be amazed.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Junk Mail Goldmine

Hello, dear!


I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. But two people can be perfect together,perfect for each other. I hope to be perfect for you becouse you are perfectfor me, my Love! http://tender-woman.net/64587/What about me. First of all I like to create comfort not only in the house, but also in family attitudes. I am able to avoid conflicts and quickly to be reconciled with any person. I am sure, that the life without the favorite person beside has no sense. Money, career, exotic travel will not replace the unique favorite person in the world. I shall be gentle and careful with second half and I shall give the heart only to him. I am able to be the devoted friend, the reliable partner and the gentle mistress. I never betray favorite people. I adore the sea, travel, and rest on the nature. I like to float in the summer, bicycle and to play badminton. He should be honest, clever. It is wonderful, if he loves travel and sports.

Hugs and kisses

Ksenia

_______________________


Dear Ksenia,

Park your ass on that nature and hear me out




Do you see that? 28%. Why? because you sound like a pain and I don't think I have 72% in me to make shit work. Your calculations for two non-perfect people making love blossom is beyond wrong. Avoiding conflicts quickly makes you sound like a pussy, I want someone to butt heads with. It keeps me real.

I feel like you've been drinking the koolaid because you can only talk about being devoted to your favourite people. That whole thing you just sent sounded like a fucking oath. This doesnt sit well with me. I make a lot of mistakes, remember i'm not perfect. I get this strong feeling that if I ever crossed you, i'd probably find myself hogtied in a basement waiting to be sacrificed to the chosen one. I just don't need that this year.

I'm also not a fan of Badminton.

Burn some sage and move on,

Kristine.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I feel like the Universe is giving me a dutch oven

Sick again. Only this time I can't taste my food.

Today, I had 9 billion and a half calls from some Avon lady that kept pestering me about some order my mother made a while ago. I had to walk to that flax wenches house and sort out a refund. It was urgent, she was impatient and I almost forgot that I was delivering an Avon product. It felt more like I was delivering vital organs to sick children. Oh and what product was this? Fucking lipstick. When she told me that I didn't have to rush over I felt like closing off one nostril and spraying her face with sinus matter.

That's all. If I rage too much my nose will start running.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Monsday

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter my keister

Date with Monster Children Issue 22.

(I don't use floppy disks, they're used as coasters for drinks.)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Oh to live inside this head

Last night, after passing out, I dreamt that I was in an episode of Seinfeld.

Wild.

Friday, April 10, 2009

TMI. Sorry.

A Brian Jonestown Massacre song just made me horny.

I have my cursor over an xtube link but I know that if I click on it, i'll be disconnected from the internet and spend half an hour agonizingly waiting for the internet to make a god damn appearance. Tomorrow the fast connection will be restored but it's 9:04pm, i'm not going to wait (or last) till 12. Perverted tech experts please, please PLEASE tell me why this happens. Pay it forward. I promise that tomorrow i'll forward that email about sick kids to 10 people, tell the Mormons that I am half interested in the chosen one and oh my god, i'll even let the hobo at Central hold my hand...again.

You want to know how frustrated I am? Imagine trying to help Michael J Fox complete a ball bearing maze puzzle...blindfolded.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Suck it hard, juvenile delinquents



I need someone with a nice pair of collarbones and a neat line of teeth to invade my privacy.

Anyway, last night some shitty person tried to break into my shed which is only a few feet away from my bedroom window. Too bad there was a lock. They could have gotten a couple of broken floorboards and a broken bike. You guy(s) could have kept warm that night, tucking yourself under some sweet timber and resting your head on a rusty BMX. Probably used to the Tetanus anyway, right? Swing by again next time and bother me again from my Zoo Tycooning.

Monday, April 6, 2009

"BRB buying ~Olive Baboons~"


God damn it. I can't stop playing.
You try saying no to those god damn American Bighorn Sheep. So kawaii.