SHVT VP

Long time

2009-12-29T01:09:00.003+11:00

Drawing projects soon.
Bike shopping soon.

I'm now a bartender. Forget the bitching and complaining in the previous posts about that ice-cream job. I wouldn't get these kind of tips at Ben & Jerry's. I know that makes me sound like a dancer at a gentlemens club, but let me assure you that I have no rhythm.

shvtvpcvnt.tumblr.com

2009-12-14T13:56:00.002+11:00

Updated almost everyday.

Two things.

2009-11-24T15:28:00.006+11:00

1. Finished Madame Bovary last night and I think Gustave Flaubert gets a pat on the back. Ah, Madame Bovary. So beautiful and bored. Many times I wanted you to crawl out of the book and have a stiff drink with me.

2. Heres one of my favourite photos of the late Dash Snow:

No you son of a bitch, you aren't.

2009-11-23T18:22:00.003+11:00

Improper use of 'amirite?'. Play on words? I see none of it. I shouldn't care too much about this, but my PMS says otherwise.

iamneurotic.com

2009-11-18T23:26:00.003+11:00

I think I might have gone overboard with submissions, but this is sort of a weight off my shoulders.

I am slightly neurotic.

I have little compulsions and routines that I must go through (which I may have already mentioned) in order to survive. This site says that I am not alone. There are other slightly neurotic people out there that also care about where the open side of their pillow is facing.

Also, the pictures of myself at the start of each post isn't one of my neuroses. This blog is a vanity project and I just want the whole world to see my delicate, well-crafted face.

So, i'm pretty sure i'm crossed off the organ donor list

2009-11-08T22:48:00.004+11:00

Get a load of that beatiful swan.
I think I just drank my body weight in alcohol. It's a tough life i'm living.

Also, on the 27th of September I said:

"I've started reading Madame Bovary and i'm starting to get into reading and after the first page i've already decided on the next book to read"

1. What the hell? that entire sentence doesn't sound right.
2. What was that book I was so keen on reading right after? God damn it.

I'm a little ill, but it's something to do

2009-10-24T11:17:00.004+11:00

Coughing schedule, phlegm removal, sniffles every few seconds. My day is booked.

It's been confirmed that I do not have the ice-cream job and I felt a little pang of disappointment, but i'm more relieved than upset. It's like a stab in the back, but it's no big deal i'll just slap a band-aid on it. I'll have more time to draw and I can find a job closer to home.

Here are some happy people.

Albatross fan club.

2009-10-16T19:38:00.010+11:00

This year was a little more off than the previous ones. 2009 is the cuntiest of all years.

1. I spent most of my year finding a job. I've been told I have this job at this ice-cream joint but it's been on and off. Who would have thought that obtaining employment at an ice-cream store would be this fucking tiring or would take this fucking long? This is serious business. It takes serious delegating, board meetings with tea & coffee and circle jerks to decide who gets this job. You realise that it's scooping ice-cream, right? You fucking sheister bastards.

2. I'm slowly forgetting Event Management and i'm considering flicking through my books and folders to freshen up.

3. Due to the amount of time on my hands, I have drawn a lot more. I'm proud of the scribbles i've done this year and how my style has changed. I've even given my drawings a home.

4. Sticking to one hairstyle this year isn't that bad. I've whined about everything about hair but playing it safe is just as chic.

5. As much as I don't want to mention it, it's been pretty lonely. Wallflowers have gotten more action.

6. Maybe i'm 8 years too late, but i've actually started wearing more make-up. It's fun, you asshole.

7. Didn't read as much as last year. The disappointment is there, but i'm too fucked over with everything else to even make an effort. Maybe next year. Fuck.

8. I'm finding it harder to blog when I spend most of my days lurking vile parts of the internet or watching Murder, She Wrote. Sometimes I think I just want a job just so I can have something to write about, but then I realise that isn't the reason, I just want a lot of money.

9. Oh yeah, I won that award.

10. My year has been kind of boring which is why I don't even have a 10th point for this post. I can't believe I initially wanted to do 20 of these. Fuck. Maybe next year.

There have been highlights and good times, but I don't want to add them in because I wanted this to sound super bitter and whiny.

Moar thangs.

2009-10-14T22:44:00.003+11:00

31. I love the burn of Listerine.
32. I look forward to brushing my teeth.
33. I look at my teeth everyday.
34. I will watch scenes from different movies throughout the day.
35. I dress up in the middle of the night.
36. Sometimes I like it when I look tired.
37. I still miss that anchor necklace.
38. Sometimes I want a younger brother.
39. I twirl my hair when I wait.
40. I'm going to spare my Mum the heartache and not tell her about my smoking.
41. My Dad knows.

Redefining class

2009-10-10T19:59:00.003+11:00

My parents don't need social-networking.

2009-10-06T19:29:00.003+11:00

Not in my playground.

[9 minutes later] Actually you know what I have a little more to say.

Yes, I went to Parklife and it was a sacks worth of fun.
No, I didn't do any drugs, but I completely understand why you would. Yes, drugs are a gamble and yeah I saw that PSA where the guy hulk smashed his mother to the floor etc. etc. but i'm thinking that I need to pair myself up with some opiates for the next festival. Don't shoot me for having an idea, that guy who was wearing thongs on his elbows was having a fucking blast and I want to match his happiness.

This is also another reason why i'm glad my parents are technologically impaired.

Madame Ovary

2009-09-27T13:51:00.004+10:00

Unless someone can come up with something clever, the Kanye memes are running low on hilarity. Fast.
I draw a lot these days. Mainly various people from outdated magazines. Whoever is reading this can visit www.shvtvpcvnt.tumblr.com and look through some of my drawings that range from sweet, lonely scribblings to unusual, possibly Richard Ramirez-esque doodles. Hell, flick your bean to it if you like.
I've started reading Madame Bovary and i'm starting to get into reading and after the first page i've already decided on the next book to read. This is excellent because reading is an exceptional hobby.I even wrote it on my resume.

Some more things and some other irrelevant things.

2009-09-20T19:58:00.000+10:00

I've got more to add to that list.

24. I tend to run my tongue (sometimes fingertip) over a little chip on my front tooth.
25. I recently found out what was wrong with a painting/collage I made two years ago and I feel relieved.
26. I drink tea at exactly 7:30pm
27. I ruffle my own hair.
28. Thanks to Arachnophobia the movie, I check each side of the toilet for spiders.
29. I play this game on the train where I look at everyone and choose the one person I would fuck.
30. Cameras from Salvo's is a gamble, but I buy them anyway.

Anyway, training for work has been moved (due to construction issues) to the 8th of October and i'm just killing time. I'm drawing a lot more and spending too much time finding music I liked from primary school and high school. I still have a lot of time on my hands and i'm thinking about getting a lesbianmatchmaker.com account for the yutz. 2.5 weeks sounds like enough to find love amongst the lesbian masses.

I'll end it here, I have an eyelash in my eye.

Things that I do or like that I think that nobody else does or likes

2009-09-19T02:22:00.000+10:00

1. I like to have my right hand under running water while brushing my teeth.
2. I need to have a pen and blank note pad above my pillow.
3. I can only really use Pilot's Fineliner when drawing.
4. My family don't know that I enjoy art or have seen some of the things I have made.
5. I chew on pens.
6. I have too many social networking site accounts and I check them in a particular order.
7. I monitor the freckles and moles that I have.
8. I pinch my bottom lip with my fingers when i'm thinking.
9. I read magazines back to front.
10. I use floppy disks as drink coasters.
11. When someone mentions earring or ears, I have this compulsion to touch my earlobes.
12. I have trouble throwing out my work from school.
13. I really like paperbags and keep them in my desk drawer. I'll like them even more when they're already crinkled.
14. I like teeth. A lot.
15. I get insanely ill watching cows being milked.
16. My food needs to be really fucking hot before I eat it. Heat wise, not flavour.
17. I draw better when i'm hungry.
18. There are some songs on my iTunes that I just can't have on the iPod.
19. I need to sleep with a blanket even if it's raging hot.
20. I love men with beards.
21. I like girls with nice collarbones.
22. I still put posters up in my wall.
23. I fold bits of paper while i'm on my laptop.

I just shit out blood and cried faeces

2009-09-14T13:43:00.000+10:00

(http://www.monsterchildren.com/)

I still want to be Max and run around in a wolfsuit. The wildthings are no problem, i've got enough.

I collect Monster Children magazines and this one is going to rule the stack.

It's September, just so you know

2009-09-13T05:16:00.000+10:00

-I feel like I have a wicked hangover, but I didn't drink last night.
-I don't know where this year went, but alright.
-A lot of people are scared about this 2012 hype and i'm only really upset that i'll probably be scooping ice-cream when the shitstorm happens.
-I want to read some Bukowski.
-I've gained another freckle.
-I'm running out of paper and ink.
-I said I was going to radically chop off one side of my hair, i'm still thinking about it and it's going to be a long while till I make a decision.
-2012 rolls in and i'll die scooping ice-cream and still indecisive about how I should cut my hair.
-I apologised to my neighbour for throwing his football over the wrong side of the fence and gave him a whole stack of old Spiderman comics to compensate.
-I need to shower.
-I'm still a little upset that I forgot how to spell 'exercise'
-Henry Rollins is on my wall looking at me. Hands intertwined over CD's and books.
-I really need to give back Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
-I want those deadbeat birds back in my plum tree.
-I could have lunch but I think I have a few more points to go through.
-I'm an Event Management graduate deprived of the awesome job in the industry.
-I'm an Event Management graduate with an awesome job.
-My dog just long sighed.
-I'm hungry
-Done.

Jims everything

2009-09-07T10:30:00.000+10:00

Maybe it's just me but the blog title sounds like a Christopher Cross ballad but anyway..
What the hell?
I thought you were just into mowing lawns. You even have your gardening hat and your gardening shirt. Two completely different services from one man with a soft cotton hat.

I have a headache. Probably because this blew my mind.

Nothing much except I think I stink a little

2009-09-05T02:35:00.000+10:00

Oh man the title is all I have.

School Excusions

2009-08-29T09:03:00.000+10:00

They're fun until you're too old be in them, fucking around in the back of the bus, thinking about how cool it is that you're missing class.

My friends and I are planning on going to the U.S at the end of next year. These are some rough plans of what we want to do. My handwriting is messy because I was excited and almost frothing at the mouth at the trouble that we're going to cause.

Stop or you'll get yours

2009-08-25T06:58:00.000+10:00

I hate people who beep for no reason. Your shitbox is asking for my rage. This is irrational, but you know what? I have a blog and i'm supposed to express my h8.

I want to buy some cheap mugs from the Reject Shop and just hurl them at you. I'm tired of talking to someone and being cut off by a beep. I'm tired of thinking that the beeps are for me. Do you want it floral? or do you want a Best Dad mug on your windshield?

This is worse than being asked for 50c by lads. Even the lads would tell you to illchay abrays.

WHO U WIF?

2009-08-22T15:34:00.000+10:00

"Oh who u wif?"
"Whe?"
"Whe em I? On tha train wif no one"
"U sure you aint wif anyone?"
"Meet you at da bus stop shorty"
"See you at free firty"

This girl was pretty cute until she answered her phone. Her voice made my ovary shrivel up and i'm pretty sure i'm going to be producing defected eggs for the next few months. Even the guy in front of her that was obviously falling in love moved upstairs. Next to her, some tall-drink-of-dirty-water was asking some guy in a wheelchair if he "missed walking" Why he didn't run over his toes? I don't know.

Before all of this shit storm of dumb hit my carriage I was watching this on my ipod

He asked for around a way fillet and they brought him stuck up tuna.

Don Burke and I must be on the same menstrual cycle..

2009-08-18T14:48:00.000+10:00

..'cause he's shitting over parsnips. I feel like buying him a Magnum ice-cream and a bag of Maltesers. Girlfriend is on the EDGE. We can watch some stupid rom-com with Katherin Heigl and I can feign interest when you give tips on growing cumquats.

I wet myself.

2009-08-14T13:16:00.000+10:00

I got the job at Ben & Jerrys. This blog is going to be full of new and exciting stories.

I'm not working there yet so this post is going to be boring and blank as usual.

Here's a video of an amazing DJ and his remix of Alice In Wonderland.

Cross your fucking fingers

2009-08-08T04:55:00.000+10:00

I may be scooping your ice-cream, pushing new flavours and asking you if you want your shit in a cup or a cone.

I tumbld.

2009-08-04T14:46:00.000+10:00

I needed a place just for my scribbles and photos. I just don't like the way they look on myspace.

http://shvtvpcvnt.tumblr.com/

They aren't all up yet.

Scribble

2009-08-04T06:10:00.000+10:00

I hate the movie 10,000 BC, but anyway...

2009-08-02T13:18:00.000+10:00

I've been bored and boring ever since my birthday. I apologise to my friends for not keeping in touch but it's just me and i'll sort myself out soon. I'm entitled to an anti-social week. I'm good company.
You saw right. He's still alive. We've been spending quality time together now that i'm home a lot more.

Two decades of being alive.

2009-07-27T15:13:00.000+10:00

Picture is unrelated but god damn, I want this on a shirt.

Anyway, it actually feels weird saying that i'm 20. Did that sound too livejournal-ish? It could have been worse, I could have put one of these (>.<) in.

Last night I spent my birthday at a reasonable club with good people. I befriended and lied to numerous people (some people dance, I lie) that I was president of a literotica bookclub. Somewhere in between the lying and the heavy drinking some girl showed me her vagina as a birthday gift. I hope that girl comes across this blogspot by happenstance and realises that she made my night.

Girl, your super cute vagina and little landing strip made my heart melt. No one has the balls to show me their vagina.

Lesbian tiem nao

2009-07-26T00:05:00.000+10:00

This is Emily and Naomi and they can't stop being cute.

They're two sexually confused college girls trying to find themselves in 10 episodes. Theres awkward kissing, fighting and a random eat-out-by-the-campfire scene. I fucking live for that shit. I've watched the third season of Skins in it's entirety and I kind of want a girlfriend now. I never had this in school, so i'm going to live vicariously through these two fictional characters. Obviously I can't go back to high school now, that's like a three year sentence and my name and mugshot on a sex offender list. [Edit: These girls are in college, so I could go back to TAFE..ugh]

I was going to end this entry with a super ~kewt~ video but it's hard to find a solid clip that isn't some fan video with shit songs and Windows Movie Maker effects. Some of the videos have had the embedding option disable too which makes me bawww.

I found Jonathan Livingston Seagull

2009-07-25T08:31:00.000+10:00

Between Danielle Steele and Mills & Boon.

I scribble a little

2009-07-24T01:46:00.000+10:00

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-07-23T13:15:00.000+10:00

I greet you!

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy.Her heart.

http://increddible-love.com/21597/I like sea, nature, travelling, laughing to tears, literature, interesting people, miracles, sunrises and sunsets, design, art, swimming, skating, positive emotions, space and love. Want to meet my ideal man and live each moment with Love! Love to laugh, will try anything once… within reason… lol! Can be spontaneous! Love the sun and hate cold, except if there is a fireplace glowing! Easy going!Love flowers! And I am a good cook! Always try to stay active! Love most animals! My match should be honest, sincere, tall and handsome! A man of his word! And easygoing! Knows what he wants out of life! Must be neat and well groomed. If he can cook or at least help in the kitchen... that would be great! My ideal partner must be Ideal relationship to my mind is based on trust, respect,mutual understanding, looking in one directions and accepting eachother the way it is with gratitude! Life is too short to live it not enjoying every moment!!

Hugs
Ulia S.

___________________

I just love it when guy's go down on my heart! You know it just makes me melt like Australia in January!

Ulia S kind of has the right idea. I know you can smell the loneliness from a mile away and the overuse of exclamation points kind of makes you think that she has the energy and personality of a Labrador pup but...

..oh you know what? don't worry, I can't be bothered defending her.

My dog is getting old

2009-07-21T02:00:00.000+10:00

and it's making me sad.

This is the hangover talking

2009-07-20T03:39:00.000+10:00

I am beat.

Whoremones

2009-07-14T12:19:00.000+10:00

High School, Year 12. Apparently, the contents of my pencilcase and the case itself was so important to me that i'd commit homicide if anyone touched it. The heart at the end just gives it that little touch. This reminds me of something I see on Passive Aggressive Notes.

STFU, Breeders

2009-07-13T05:16:00.000+10:00

Well..parents.
http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/

So now that we've got the first bunch of assholes (marriedz), you're going to have another set to supplement.

Parents. I don't have enough parents on my Facebook who like to announce their kids first shit, cracked nipples, weaning and all that stuff that takes me 10 steps back from my ~dream~ of having children. Parents with Facebook are deadly. Apparently when the mother gives birth, the baby flicks on a switch on the way out. It's a switch that allows the mother to reveal way too much information in social networking sites and neglect her friends hypersensitive gag reflex. I totally did nursing one year and i'm pretty sure i've covered this. I know you guys are happy and shit but I have reason to believe that you're spending more time, kneeling in front of your kid waiting for that miracle log to slip into the potty. STFU plz.

Oh and the best thing about this STFU addition is that it comes with some pretty amusing commentary.

Enjoy.

25.3.94

2009-07-12T04:07:00.000+10:00

Teachers Comment:

Kristine shows eagerness in art. She has gained a greater physical stamina lately which can be attributed to her change in her eating habits. She also needs to acquire listening skills.

Couldn't hear you, I was running to the canteen to fill my pockets with red lollies. There was always a come down though.

You know...

2009-07-10T12:23:00.000+10:00

..she's pretty hot here.

Like I know shes kind of looking like a hobo that ambles in soured laundry now, but she's looking like 30 different kinds of cool here.

I should probably start a campaign to roll Whitney back to 1985 but i've got my hands full with my social networking vanity projects.

Intolerable bathroom girl talk

2009-07-05T15:24:00.000+10:00

I don't mind club bathroom small-talk about long lines and nice shoes, but those drunk girls with a little time and too many issues makes my womb shudder. Everything from ex-boyfriends (theirs or someone elses), girls that are "itchbays" and world peace (from what I heard from my stall on Friday night).

You don't just enter into a bathroom, you are now part of a sisterhood. You want to pee? Forget it, some girl wants to tell you about her bestfriends boyfriend's sisters ex. You want to check your make-up? hold on a second, this girl wants advice on re-connecting with her boyfriends ex. You get the idea.

You ladies are drunk and make me laugh half of the time. I know you girls need and maybe deserve a group hug, a hair-braiding session and a little lesbian fling but seriously, please let me pee.

Silver lining

2009-06-29T13:07:00.000+10:00

Pool sex 101.

Oh yeah yeah yeah, I totally get it now. I know that feeling like the back of my hand. Like cumulonimbus and shit? That gets my toes curling.

You've got a date.

STFU FB

2009-06-27T20:35:00.000+10:00

http://stfumarrieds.tumblr.com/

This is one of the reasons why I stay on Facebook. Sugary, effusive, ima-call-you-bub-from-now-on couples who spend most of their time at work or at home telling the Facebook world about how lucky they are. I fucking hate you guys but i'm sick enough to love it. It tickles me.

This site gives me the chance to look at other assholes(yeah, that's right) who cannot STFU.

All those banal third-person status updates, petnames and quizzes about love...it's my meth.

I'm that bored

2009-06-19T21:14:00.000+10:00

I needed something to do, so i'm stretching my ears. You know, African tribeswoman-esque but not quite. Just enough room to fit Pretz sticks in each lobe.

Fucking..what?

2009-06-14T03:17:00.000+10:00

First time someone has questioned the authenticity of my hair. Am I wearing it in a way that makes it look fake?

I mean, who would buy a wig like this anyway? It's ever so fucking drab. I expect people to do much better if this is what they're buying.

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-06-13T04:05:00.000+10:00

This one went on for days, so i'm showing my favourite parts of this gem.

Good day, dear friend!

I am very mobile; I like to communicate with different people. It is not a problem for me to make an acquaintance with any person. I like to sing, to dance and to go in for sport. Singing helps me to experience different life situations; dancing helps me to express myself and sport helps me keep feet and healthy.

See you
Irishka C

Oh Irishka C, telling me that you're 'mobile' makes me believe that you've lost the use of your legs, but you seem to be so confident that I can take you anywhere. Most places I like have wheelchair access, so you've picked a winner. The singing to experience different life situations and dancing to express yourself makes me uncomfortable though. Let's say you and I went out to dinner and the credit card is declined or the table cloth gets caught in the spoke of your wheels or I don't show up? Are you going to honestly draw more attention to yourself and...sing? and dear god, dance?

What a hot, sad mess.

I had no idea..

2009-06-10T23:25:00.000+10:00

...that Ludacris had the same concept.

It's possible

2009-06-10T11:00:00.000+10:00

This may not mean anything to you, but re-organising my wardrobe and achieving this is worth telling the grandkids.

Credit to Ikea for providing me with the fold-out shelf shit.

H8 chu, Cliff

2009-06-09T00:15:00.000+10:00

Life would be so much sweeter if a hoarde of people in colourful lycra and cassette tapes swirled around me everywhere I went. Cliff Richards looks like an emaciated librarian that I saw once (my skin, it crawled) and he doesn't deserve this.

Homeless romantic

2009-06-01T03:20:00.000+10:00

Gone are the days of bogus African flings, this is the real thing. An enchanting afro courtship is what everyone needs in times like these.

Onto other news about my lonely life, i'm on the verge of making a scene in public just to keep me interesting. Like those homeless people at Central that have riveting conversations with themselves or the ones that crawl around collecting cigarette butts. There's actually this one lady that hassles people with an open empty wallet, fake crying that she left her wallet at the bank. So what is that in your hand you dumb scraggy broad? Sell me a better story and i'll throw a couple of cents your way.

Oh for fucks sake, my toast is burning. I'll end it here.

Oh Clare

2009-05-21T07:50:00.000+10:00

"Chk chk BOOM and I ran away 'cause that's all I wanted to see"

Yawn

2009-05-17T04:09:00.000+10:00

Every time i'm hating home and feel like I want to pack my shit and walk, I just look at these awe-inspiring pictures and quietly say to myself...

You can't afford it, you dumb bitch.

You almost thought I was getting romantic.
I do love my home though, it's quiet and my fences arent tagged with gang signs from gangs that a horde of 14 year olds created during recess. I mean, we do get the odd car blowing up at 4am down the street or at the park but it grows on you.

49 seconds isn't enough

2009-05-15T15:33:00.000+10:00

I've been listening to a lot of old music and claimed that there was nothing new to listen to because it was all just shitty noise. I'm actually just being a little shitty because I have a vagina and therefore have femotions. Anyway, somewhere off in the distance Passion Pit were waving to me, telling me that there was hope amongst the faeces.

Like lonely people to pyramid schemes, I was sold within the first few seconds and am now starting to bring people into this magic.

Oh and I just realised that there are so many(3) references to poo. Deal.

Wine not?

2009-05-14T16:42:00.000+10:00

Woah, am I plastered.

My world is spinning but that could be because I'm slightly tilted and leaning on my bedpost which is suprisingly strong. I typed that really fast and I seem to be doing alright with grammaer and spelling. Oh wait not anymore.

So tonight I recived an award, an expensicves book and a cheque for beign an exceptional student at TAFE..,

Seriously, theree was an open bar and every two sipsd of my drink and the wait staff kept topping it up. This was even more amazing thn aforementioned award. Endless bottles of wine were given away as gifts, I got two because this never really happens to me and it's a beautiful opportunity.

Bye.

Senility

2009-05-13T15:39:00.000+10:00

Old people, if you didn't have it (sigh, most of you), you'd be considered fucking assholes.

An old man farted on me and my bff today. He lost his faith in humanity and I completely forgot where I was headed. I've been caught off guard before, if you have a brother, this is not uncommon but this old guy really fucked us over.

I think he went for a coffee afterwards. This is dangerous. Coffee induced poop + deteriorating motor skills + not giving a fuck about the opinion of others = A mess in Central Station that'll set your generation so far back that people aren't even going to notice the stupid fluorescent, fanny pack wearing morons "shuffling" all around.

Really.

2009-05-11T13:12:00.000+10:00

Things are so normal and boring right now that it's taken me so long to think about what to write here. I then realised that if it's taking me almost an hour to figure it out, I obviously have nothing good to say. So I thought that i'll just blog about how I have nothing to say, because that makes sense to me.

GTFO GFC

2009-05-04T11:13:00.000+10:00

I spent
I'm spent.

An open encyclopedia added to the mess looks like i've been studying. My internet has been painfully slow so at times like these i'd like to have a lot of reading material to keep me from going homicidal. Issue 1 of LOVE mag, Hunter S. Thompson and any outdated encyclopedia books do it for me.

Those Maltesers were ridiculously priced and I will never purchase another snack from the movies ever again. Yes, of course I knew they were that much but it was only after buying it did it really sink in. Every time they jack up the prices of tickets, I start to appreciate pirated copies. Even the copies with poor translation and the sight of people getting up and shuffling down their row.

I'm going to get back to all that stuff I just said up there and probably work on being a greater menace to society.

Becauz I couldn't be bothered constructing an effective blogpost

2009-04-29T01:03:00.000+10:00

1. Sartorialist in Sydney. Make your way to Mt Druitt, Mr. Schuman. It'll blow you out of the water.

2. My May is going to be as busy as hell and thinking about it makes me want to do a massive nervous shit. June, be gentle to me.

3. I have a job interview on Thursday which is exciting. Just thinking about having a some form of income makes me melt.

Take That and Katie Melua appeared out of nowhere in my iTunes

2009-04-27T06:20:00.000+10:00

Death.

Anyway, here's another sandwich bigger than my face.
How I manage to find space for this in me amazes me too. Assuming that any one reading this would be amazed.

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-04-18T15:39:00.000+10:00

Hello, dear!

I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. But two people can be perfect together,perfect for each other. I hope to be perfect for you becouse you are perfectfor me, my Love! http://tender-woman.net/64587/What about me. First of all I like to create comfort not only in the house, but also in family attitudes. I am able to avoid conflicts and quickly to be reconciled with any person. I am sure, that the life without the favorite person beside has no sense. Money, career, exotic travel will not replace the unique favorite person in the world. I shall be gentle and careful with second half and I shall give the heart only to him. I am able to be the devoted friend, the reliable partner and the gentle mistress. I never betray favorite people. I adore the sea, travel, and rest on the nature. I like to float in the summer, bicycle and to play badminton. He should be honest, clever. It is wonderful, if he loves travel and sports.

Hugs and kisses

Ksenia

_______________________

Dear Ksenia,

Park your ass on that nature and hear me out

Do you see that? 28%. Why? because you sound like a pain and I don't think I have 72% in me to make shit work. Your calculations for two non-perfect people making love blossom is beyond wrong. Avoiding conflicts quickly makes you sound like a pussy, I want someone to butt heads with. It keeps me real.

I feel like you've been drinking the koolaid because you can only talk about being devoted to your favourite people. That whole thing you just sent sounded like a fucking oath. This doesnt sit well with me. I make a lot of mistakes, remember i'm not perfect. I get this strong feeling that if I ever crossed you, i'd probably find myself hogtied in a basement waiting to be sacrificed to the chosen one. I just don't need that this year.

I'm also not a fan of Badminton.

Burn some sage and move on,

Kristine.

I feel like the Universe is giving me a dutch oven

2009-04-16T13:21:00.000+10:00

Sick again. Only this time I can't taste my food.

Today, I had 9 billion and a half calls from some Avon lady that kept pestering me about some order my mother made a while ago. I had to walk to that flax wenches house and sort out a refund. It was urgent, she was impatient and I almost forgot that I was delivering an Avon product. It felt more like I was delivering vital organs to sick children. Oh and what product was this? Fucking lipstick. When she told me that I didn't have to rush over I felt like closing off one nostril and spraying her face with sinus matter.

That's all. If I rage too much my nose will start running.

Monsday

2009-04-14T08:40:00.000+10:00

http://www.guesshermuff.blogspot.com/

Join the wave, play the game.

Watching The Darjeeling Limited while guessing carpet swatches is my Monday afternoon. Sure, this blog is a little much but you won't care after the first few guesses. Suck it up, take a wild guess and prepare for the awe. You can even enjoy this with some friends, put a little money down, exchange many high fives and deliver countless lame vagina one-liners.

Go on, put a verticle smile on those dials.

Easter my keister

2009-04-13T15:34:00.000+10:00

Date with Monster Children Issue 22.

(I don't use floppy disks, they're used as coasters for drinks.)

Oh to live inside this head

2009-04-12T00:27:00.000+10:00

Last night, after passing out, I dreamt that I was in an episode of Seinfeld.

Wild.

TMI. Sorry.

2009-04-10T14:04:00.000+10:00

A Brian Jonestown Massacre song just made me horny.

I have my cursor over an xtube link but I know that if I click on it, i'll be disconnected from the internet and spend half an hour agonizingly waiting for the internet to make a god damn appearance. Tomorrow the fast connection will be restored but it's 9:04pm, i'm not going to wait (or last) till 12. Perverted tech experts please, please PLEASE tell me why this happens. Pay it forward. I promise that tomorrow i'll forward that email about sick kids to 10 people, tell the Mormons that I am half interested in the chosen one and oh my god, i'll even let the hobo at Central hold my hand...again.

You want to know how frustrated I am? Imagine trying to help Michael J Fox complete a ball bearing maze puzzle...blindfolded.

Suck it hard, juvenile delinquents

2009-04-07T02:20:00.000+10:00

I need someone with a nice pair of collarbones and a neat line of teeth to invade my privacy.

Anyway, last night some shitty person tried to break into my shed which is only a few feet away from my bedroom window. Too bad there was a lock. They could have gotten a couple of broken floorboards and a broken bike. You guy(s) could have kept warm that night, tucking yourself under some sweet timber and resting your head on a rusty BMX. Probably used to the Tetanus anyway, right? Swing by again next time and bother me again from my Zoo Tycooning.

"BRB buying ~Olive Baboons~"

2009-04-06T12:45:00.000+10:00

God damn it. I can't stop playing.
You try saying no to those god damn American Bighorn Sheep. So kawaii.

"Good day, pussycake"

2009-03-30T11:37:00.000+11:00

I enjoyed watching Gran Torino. Oh the mirth. Was it supposed to be funny for the first part of the movie? I guess the language can make people uncomfortable but if you know my humour, you'll know that I giggled at most of Walt's colourful choice of words. I grew fond of the hard-bitten character, especially when he became protective of the "swamp rats". If you want a satisfactory critique of the movie listen to Margaret Pommeranz or David Stratton. I'm just going to tell you that it was an excellent movie and that Clint Eastwood deserves a gold star, a gift card and a handjob.

This American Apparel singlet wearing thug called him a honkey and didn't know that Walt was packing heat. LOL @ you thug.

Suck brick

2009-03-27T21:24:00.001+11:00

Can you believe this post was initially about Spandau Ballet's re-grouping and my love for the song True? I'm so glad I backspaced that nonsense.

Anyway, I just found this lying wedged between a porn DVD (Xtreme Escorts, 4 out of 10 gold stars) and Chanel perfume cards.

That's right. I bought a single grape and lychee. I'm in your fruit shops, making ridiculous purchases. "Just take them" said Vanessa but you know what? I earned my 30cents and I wanted to go all out with my earnings. I'm a wholesome consumer. I'm not one of those people who lollygag around each section "testing" fruits. You old people are starting to piss me off, your pathetic subtlety offends me. STOP EATING THE GRAPES. I once saw an old woman taste test a pineapple! What a wench. I help you people off the bus and up a flight of stairs and this is what you give back? Christ. I know I just went on about fruit to some level of rageism but I don't care.

I'm going to calm down, have some tea, eat hard earned fruits and finish my junior jumble.

Sounds like an old sick dog that had a vintage wall unit fall on it

2009-03-23T16:20:00.000+11:00

I'm nursing such an ugly cough, I want to put myself down and damage my self esteem. Why am I listening to 'April Sun In Cuba' on a loop?

Maybe I have some sick parasite nestled in my brain.

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-03-22T08:54:00.000+11:00

Good day, dear!

The reason why I have not found the love of my life is because the love of mylife has not found me yet! So for to make your looking-for easier I'll writeseveral words aboutmyself. I am a very positive person. Never give up until the plan changes. I am cheerful, kindhearted and responsible. I do not have bad habits and I am always a good company. I like music and animals. I want to make his life beautiful! I want an honest man to share quality time with enjoying life we live. I like to open doors, hold hands. I am looking for ONE GOOD MAN who is looking for ONE GOOD WOMAN! http://super-biglove.com/looksgood/

See you laterV.N.

___________________________________

Dear V.N.,

"See you later"? Keep your distance, tiger. We need to talk.

I appreciate that you want to make my looking-for easier. You know, with your awkward choice of words and determination to make sure that you find a partner that will be willing to identify your body in case of something tragic. You tell me that you have no bad habits, which is a strong indication to me that you have a fetish for something that you can't explain through your several words. Are you a furry? Are you really willing to open the door for me at the bi-weekly furry swap meet?

Unfortunatly for you V.N, I am extremely picky about costumes and to be honest I can smell you from here. A strong stench of urine, B.O and cheap roll-on. Wow all the makings of a pre-owned Craigslist fursuit.

Oh and while you're online, if you arent too busy maintaining your forum, send a quick message to superbiglove.com and tell them that they are sending me people who are possibly a padlock away from being Josef Fritzl.

Soak that fursuit in Oxyclean for about 12 hours and keep your distance like the others,

Kristine

I want to impale myself on a pyramid

2009-03-21T08:30:00.000+11:00

Kings of Leon were dreamy last night. Listening to this band through highschool up until now and seeing them right before my eyes felt magical. There was moment when I thought that if I found out that I was dying tomorrow, i'd feel pretty good knowing that I saw them before I kicked it. That sounds like poetic typical livejournal garb that everyone loves.

My body feels like it was thrown into a Top Model riot. I need these things right now:
1. Large slushie
2. Can of lychees
3. Long rope of red liquorice
4. Black ale
5. A mute Thai woman who has no problems spending the night relieving the amazing pain radiating throughout my body.

G-G-G-God damn it, I have to change my underwear

2009-03-15T13:30:00.000+11:00

So theres that Simpsons episode where Mrs Krabappel is wearing a balloon dress and seductively pops them with a cigarette and of course no one in the natural world is wanting to see it.

Lady GaGa on the other hand...

You should probably tuck 'n' tape your boner down before it shoots up and bruises you on the chin and potentially knock you out. You need to be conscious for the whole 8 minutes and 2 seconds of delight.

Dear Mr. Jobs

2009-03-13T08:10:00.000+11:00

Stop having ideas. I'm already tired of knowing that one of your creations can easily slip into a manilla folder or that I can shake the gadget to change a song.

Give me an mp3 that can roll cigarettes, order me a sandwich or take me back in time so I can unsee that picture of the naked ex-member of Operator Please.

Use that god damn silver fox haired head of yours.

Those deadbeats

2009-03-08T14:00:00.000+11:00

I usually go outside my backyard for a cig to calm my bones from a long and tedious day and soak in the afternoon delight which is screaming children and even louder parents. I sit under the plum tree, rip leaves and burn things and check on the little nest above my head which lately, has been abandoned. There are two eggs sitting inside and it's sweet looking and amateur photographers and poets would flock to the tree and have their moments.

Anyway, somewhere in my blackened soul, I feel sorry for these poor almost-birds.

I might have a Fly Away Home moment and nuture the eggs, find myself, fly a plane and teach the birds to fly then become a fulfilled young woman who wears ugly floral hats. I think I have room in 2009 for that!

I'm tired of this

2009-03-07T12:50:00.000+11:00

Some of the things I cook (if you can call it cooking) disastrously is half of the time excusable.
I just burnt chicken nuggets. They're already cooked, it just need to be reheated. Such a fool proof product and I managed to embarass myself yet again.

Tastes like burnt rubber and hell I feel like i've been in the face with a Goodyear tyre.

Speaking of hits to the face, i'm also sick of this Chris Brown and Rhianna noise. Just let the girl be with Ike Turner for christ sake and leave it at that. We've got such more important issues to deal with like, the Octomom's video diary for Entertainment Tonight. What an ordeal hey?

Holy shits

2009-02-27T17:25:00.000+11:00

Knowing that there is a dog that is better at math than me and that theres a limbless man who can swim from a to b makes me feel pretty pathetic. So to pick me up and feel less useless, I go to this blog www.sorry-mom.com. I'm not a militant feminist or see men as the apex of everything unholy, but I get a giggle looking at (from what I can make out) hot guys with weird fetishes.

Oh wow the dog and the limbless man have nothing to do with this. Amazing.

100

2009-02-20T15:28:00.000+11:00

I'm far from religious. His christianity game is so solid and running strong, he even made a "repent" hat. I can't have this guy godblessing me all over my myspace and sending me peace and prayers. I'm so sure this guy is going to wake up with God and Jesus and the whole posse at the foot of his bed telling him that i'm only going to spray shit all over his faith. I'm going to spare this man the anguish and deny him of my friendship and tell him that I am a raging wiccan lesbian.

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-02-19T18:51:00.000+11:00

Aloha, my gentleman

I entered this site for to help you to find me here. I believe you are here also looking for me. And I'll write several words for you to understand it's me! http://super-biglove.com/lovesite/I am a kind, calm, sociable woman. I am an optimistic person and I am often in a good mood. I am a wonderful company. I can listen to. I am good at doing housekeeping. I am a wonderful mother. I love nature. I enjoy having a rest in the countryside with my friends. I want my future husband to be not only a tender and loving wife, but also a good friend.

Sincerely yourth
Ksenya Z.

_________________________

Dear Ksenya Z,

I have several words for you too, sugar.

I think the superbiglove.com gives me a hint at just how heavy you are. This explains why you would say that you are "a wonderful company", you're large enough to be one. You're kind of like the last Juliet that aloha-ed me a while ago and i'm starting to think that you're all coming from the same borough. The education system must be appaling because my god, that garb you wrote me almost made me pick up the house from it's foundation and hulk smash it to my face. I don't think I meet your criteria because being a tender loving husband-wife sounds like a lot of fucking work. There's this place in Sydney called Kings Cross, you can find many people out there who can be both husband and wife for a standard rate of $150 an hour. There is an extra fee if you're planning on travelling out of the state but that's a different story for a time that I hope won't ever happen because you sound like a real fucking freak and I don't want to meet you even though you've rudely assumed that I do.

You sound like a woman that spends too much time watching Lifetime movies and not enough time finding your soulmate. The kind of gal that was always involved with criminals on death row or middle eastern men who, for some odd reason, completely disappear when you send them money to pay for their airline ticket.

Put down the knitting needles, stop knitting ridiculous cosies for household items that don't need cosies or yourth never going to find anyone

You smell like potpourri and cheap talcum powder,

Kristine

It's not normal to consume this novelty size bullshit in under 10 minutes

2009-02-18T14:00:00.000+11:00

This was a pretty big sandwich for me. Depending on where you live, this could be the same for you or you're probably laughing because where you are, this is a canopée.

I'm allowed to publish this nonsensical trash

2009-02-14T18:50:00.000+11:00

Back from a night at Lazer Zone, incredibly beat from running around shooting people even though the game was over.

I was dressed up in 80's gear so if you were there and saw me coming... you'd have no idea how to handle the situation. Just let me shoot your stupid vest and step aside so I can chase your friends. My brown leopard print jacket was designed to throw people off their game. I remember one moment where I found the opposition huddled into a corner and if you hooked me up to an ECG you would have seen rapid flickering because it was 9000 different kinds of horrid delight. If you've read this far, you're probably worrying so here's a cute koala

It's like a passport photo!

iPoor

2009-02-09T11:20:00.000+11:00

This might have to be my greatest Salvation Army find yet

I don't have an income so I usually only shop at stores that sell pre-owned clothing. From all walks of life...dead or alive. There was a moment where I got a little shiver up my spine thinking that maybe my clothing was peeled off a carcass but, I actually don't care. It gives the clothing a little edge.

Anyway, there used to be an 'E' and 'D' patch over that tooth shaped (i'll get to that later) hole. I only figured that out when I decided to ditch ED and to my surprise the previous owner had patched up burn marks and holes.

Christ.

Patch after god damn patch, nothing was sitting well. They seemed out of place and I felt it was decreasing the value of the jacket and my hopes of saving this treasure was melting, along with my face. So, I cut the hole and shaped it into a tooth and now I have created an unofficial collaboration with Nike.

Christ Almighty

2009-02-06T18:55:00.000+11:00

It feels like a Garry Busey meltdown here. This heatwave is fucking amazing. I'm waiting for birds to fall out of the sky and posties to tip over and pass out on lawns.

I'm watching the news and Michael Phelps can't compete for three months and is no longer the long face of Kelloggs. Are you bawwwwling? I happen to think that cereal might be ideal for the munchies after a few bowls. Kelloggs are the ones suffering the serious loss.

I'll never understand...

2009-02-04T18:22:00.000+11:00

why this has to be so cute

He or she felt a tad too hot and went for a bit of a dip. It drank a bit of the water before it started being cute.

He probably can secretly talk.

Accidental napping

2009-02-02T17:23:00.000+11:00

I never meant to. I was just kicking back on the old bed playing the "Would you rather..." and "What if..." games by myself and somehow nodded off. Most likely after asking myself if i'd rather do Clint Eastwood or Mickey Rooney. Eastwood outflanks Rooney and I just got a shiver up my spine.
So i'm napping and I had a short dream about Gran Torino and Clint Eastwood shot me in the face and I woke up to half a sweaty face and a lot of questions.

Anyway, unfortunatly i'd still do Clint Eastwood than that wrinkle-roundface Rooney. That is, if we're talking about Eastwood now and he had the gun again. I'd do it willingly, without protest if it was Dirty Harry Eastwood.

Eastwood count= 6. I'm going back to the nap.

A week without you

2009-01-30T21:23:00.000+11:00

Spending a week without the internet and watching Oprah show off her medical/health/interior designer guru surely made me lose my mind just a little bit.

Junk Mail Goldmine

2009-01-23T16:41:00.000+11:00

Aloha, my friend!

I can't promise to solve all your problems, but I can promise you won'thave to face them alone...I am easy going with a great sense of humor. I love to have fun. I like going tothe movies or just curling up to the T.V. with that special man. I like goingout to dinner or any sports event. I am confident and energetic. I am a straightforward person. I don't like playing games. My Man…. Let me think… He must beconfident, easy going, respectful, gentle but a little aggressive, affectionateand just a man that can treat a good woman like the queen that I am. I want a man that is interested in getting to know me on many levels. He must be able to handleme at my worst but if he can't handle me at my worst he sure as hell doesn't deserve my best. Find me http://youareinsidemyheart.net/roses/

Goodbye
Anastasia V

_______________________________________

Dear Anastasia V,

I'm not a man but I am only willing to give us a shot if Larry Emdur is offering me anything above $15,000.

My sense of humour is..different. Some say you might have to have a thick skin and no gag reflex to ever invest in a friendship or relationship with me. I'm sure you're easy going but after a week with me you'll retract your statement. You'll also find yourself on another chair and not "curling" up to me because you fear the damage I could do to your already weak sanity.
You can take yourself to those dinners and sports events because i'll be at your place, raiding your home, watching T.V and not flushing your toilet. I'm happy to let you tell people that i'm "in the office" or "bed bound".

You've also mentioned that you want someone a little aggressive. This is perfect. I can bring your self esteem down so fast you'll see your heart drop out of your vagina.

Oh and I am little put off that you mentioned that you're a queen. Unless this was a cry from a gay guy who wanted a new fag hag then I would understand completely. You're just a lonely woman who spends her time babysitting nephews and nieces and on Saturdays, cats. Week 2 comes around and you're starting to feel like Vanilla Ice's wife and start wondering if Ike Turner has possessed my body. Would you feel like a queen now?

I'm also not interested the many levels that you possess. I've got a guinea pig to take care of. Just give me an express tour of your so called deep and easy going soul or better yet write me a report with lots of subheadings and wacky fonts.

That's all

http://www.youprobablyhave3lavalifeaccounts.com/

P.S Don't fucking aloha me.

Let's keep our distance, you probably smell like cat urine and Avon perfume,

Kristine H

I'm a woman, tolerate my complaints

2009-01-20T21:30:00.000+11:00

My blood must be the nectar of insects. Take it to another room, theres tobacco and unemployment in that blood.

Courage Wolf always has the right idea. Biting back those insects isn't going to be easy nor clean but I could probably get back a pint of my blood back.

Sleep paralysis

2009-01-18T16:11:00.000+11:00

Sucks.

Something that happens to me every few weeks. Happend last night and I was almost face down on my pillow and if you know sleep paralysis, this is not good. I never knew what it was and thought I was the only one until recently coming across an article on Wikipedia.
I will listen to Katy Perry's whole album than endure several minutes of paralysis.

The entire Katy Perry collection.

Monster Children

2009-01-15T19:15:00.000+11:00

It's the 15th of January 2009 and i'm already tired of this year. Bring back 2006 where I was kind of invincible. Where I saw everyone and anyone and we were all in the same boat, worrying about the same crap, sleeping on the same sofa and drinking and smoking the cheapest shit you could ever imagine.

I had a whole block of writing with memories but I highlighted and deleted because I think i'll keep those to myself.

Anyway let's come back to 2009. It's definitely hotter and I think I want to avoid complaining about the weather because i've lived here on earth for almost 20 years and experienced this countless times and nothing's going to change by nonsense drivel about how shocking the heat is. I took a lot of pictures of my guinea pig, Banana and 34 pictures later, I realised that I should have dedicated that time to finding a job.

Oh and as irrelevant as this is (but you're on my blogspot where a majority of the posts are irrelevant, so don't you complain) Katy Perry is not my cup of tea. The world could do without her lyrics and that horror that escapes those lungs which, to me, sounds like she's having the biggest shit of her life and she's wishing she had a more fibrous diet. It's even more annoying that she fell into a cake during a performance, who does that besides Terry Hatcher in Desperate Housewives? Fucking shitwrecking whirlwind with fake eyelashes that make me have sympathy eye itches.

It's art or vulgarity. Depends on where you live in the world.

2009-01-14T17:50:00.000+11:00

Give me face paints, expect the worst.

Femotions

2009-01-09T08:49:00.000+11:00

It's alright to overreact and throw a fit because you can't find a jar of peanut butter. Your life is over just as you stated while slumping on the kitchen floor. Nothing is worse than this. Oh sick kids and people in Africa are having it worse? That's not fair, you're allowed you have your own problems too. You might give up and find a substitute, something different to show other people just the lengths you will go to in order to express your frustration and defeat. After every bite of your Nutella sandwich (which is really good but you sure as hell arent going to show it) you'll voice your opinion about how you'll never understand why everyone is against you and why they are purposely rearranging sandwich spreads. You'll then pick yourself up and sulk all the way to your room and listen to Joy Division and Sigur Ros.

2 hours later you find the peanut butter jar hiding behind the jar off coffee. After all the drama, you don't want to look stupid and have people pay you out, so the most logical thing to do in this case it to fucking hide it again.

To truly fuck yourself over graciously, the next morning you want the peanut butter and you've forgotten that hiding spot.

FUCK

Ohjesus

2009-01-08T13:51:00.000+11:00

Hot married women like Denise. Likes hiking, walks through the neighbourhood...alone, choosing appropriate cat collars for different seasons, clubbing at 9:00pm, has a tramp stamp of a butterfly flying towards a sunset, watches Pretty Woman on rainy days as her husband goes to "business meetings" and disappears for a few weeks

oh and by the looks of that mug, about 3 years ago she was known as Denis.

Pictures will always show her/him from the shoulders up. Get it while you can boys, before it fades.

This would have been embarassing had I found out later on.

2009-01-06T04:47:00.000+11:00

Banana is male. Stupid fucking man made me look like a fool for three days.

After aimlessly browsing through photos of guinea pigs I came across "sexing" photos and flipped Banana on his back and well, there it was. I could hear a slow single clap in my mind, applauding my studpidity. Then again, I trusted the asshole with the 150 guinea pigs and assumed that his word was solid. I kind of prepared myself for this by giving the pig a gender neutral name. Although, Banana isn't exactly a name for small creatures.

I was going to edit my last entry but I thought that it should be left alone for my own amusement when I want to back track and read my bullshit drivel.

Banana Jones of White Cage Manor

2009-01-04T15:28:00.000+11:00

This is Banana, a special Guinea Pig who will be in charge of all of my affairs. She works efficiently and effectively and i'm sure that when i'm not around she is secretly talking to other creatures and planning adventures. This of course is when she is off duty. She enjoys running over her food, burrowing through her bedding and snacking on parsley and pellets.

I'm doing everything in my power to keep this piglet well fed and given lots of space to scurry around. If Banana were to uh check out early i'd be left with an empty cage and a sack of pellets which is capable of giving someone a concussion if hurled at the head. So cross every appendage of your body and hope this creature sticks around for many years. We're quite the pair and i'd hate to mark all of my photos of Banana with "R.I.P 2008".

This is getting eerie. Anyway, I hope you people have enjoyed your first week of 2009.

2008

2008-12-30T23:41:00.000+11:00

Animal Collective - Did You See The Words?
The Avalanches - Since I Left You
The Beatles - Dear Prudence
Beirut - Elephant Gun
Beirut - Nantes
Belle and Sebastian - We Are The Sleepyheads
Black Flag - Six Pack
Black Lips - Feeling Gay
Black Lips - Dirty Hands
Black Lips - Bad Kids
Chad VanGaalen - Clinically Dead
Chad VanGaalen - City of Electric Lights
David Bowie - Queen Bitch
Deerhunter - Agoraphobia
Dinosaur Jr. - Blowing It
Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
Girl Talk - Double Pump
Girl Talk - Smash Your Head
Good Shoes - Sophia
Kings of Leon
Lightspeed Champion - Midnight Surprise
Mercy Arms - Half Right
Minor Threat - In My Eyes
Municipal Waste - Born To Party
Municipal Waste - Tango and Thrash
New Order - Ceremony
Nico - These Days
Noah and the Whale - 5 Years Time
The Rolling Stones - Shes Like A Rainbow
The Smiths - This Charming Man
Testicicles - All You Need Is Blood
Thao Nguyen with the Get Down Stay Down - Swimming Pools
The Tigers - Beezus
Vampire Weekend - Mansard Roof
Van She - Changes
The War on Drugs - Taking The Farm

Travelling with Paradise

2008-12-29T21:36:00.000+11:00

Until I get out of the house and thrown into a job, i'll start producing more thrilling entries. Unless the quarrels that go on in this house excite you, then of course tell me.

My very last Christmas present made up for the impractical junk that sits under my bed collecting dust.

Many thanks to you Lady Vanessa.

I'm reading On The Road by Jack Kerouac and after reading the first few pages a few months ago and thinking it was drab, it's actually great. I've highlighted the parts I like, why? Because it's my copy and if you choose to borrow it you have to deal with highlighter streaks on random pages. Despite not knowing half of the many places Sal Paradise visits, i'm enjoying it. See, if i'm not leaving the house or really, the Western Sydney Suburbs, i'll travel with Sal.

We're on our way to New York, after making love to Mexican Terry under the hairy tarantula in Sabinal.

Goodnight.

Nextmas, please

2008-12-25T02:41:00.000+11:00

Christmas Eve gifts:

1. Maracas
2. J-lo fragrance

I can smell like a big ass has-been and draw attention by using the ever so practical maracas.

Christmas spirit. I've got it.

2008-12-22T09:07:00.000+11:00

This is what I scribbled during a conversation with a good friend. We never discussed Christmas and somehow my subconcious has produced some sort of vulgar incoherent Christmas greeting.

Merry Fuckmas, fuckers.

Sweet Jesus on an clothes horse

2008-12-19T17:13:00.000+11:00

http://viacomit.free.fr/

Styled by Carine Roitfeld, snapped by Terry Richardson. If your boner doesn't shoot up and give you a black eye, you might need to get checked.

Tape those boners down, we're on to something a little heartbreaking. Today I tried to find a replacement anchor for my lonely chain. No find. No 7/11 slurpee could fix the nonsense, and it was such a toothsome and refreshing slurpee.

I probably need to get tested

2008-12-16T08:31:00.000+11:00

I had a dream that Al Bundy was sucking my friends toes.

Tuckman to the tree

2008-12-15T08:42:00.000+11:00

Teams go through 5 stages of group development.

-Forming
-Storming
-Norming
-Performing
-Adjourning (damn it, doesn't rhyme)

Forming

Mum, Dad and Tine of the W.O.M decide that putting up the tree now would be less ridiculous than putting up the tree closer to the Christmas date.

Storming

We all have different ideas and schemes for asembling the tree and hey what do you know, conflicting ideas. Mum would like to start from the top to bottom, I want to start from the bottom to the top and Dad would like to just stick all of the branches wherever and hope to god that it's right. I think a lot of issues arose though, like who never does the dishes, who broke the microwave and basically we all pointed the finger at each other and stated that one or the other was mentally handicapped.

Norming

We're tired at this point and now just tolerating each others behaviour. By tolerating, I mean selective hearing and completely ignoring everyone. Mum is starting at the top and I am starting at the bottom and we've decided to meet at the middle to verbally abuse each other on who was wrong. Dad on the other hand left and went to bed so his argument had been deep sixed.

Performing

I think this phase didn't come in at all. If I said that the Christmas tree was assembled efficiently and effectively, i'd have to delete everything aforementioned.

Adjourning

The tree is up and we've all decided that who ever fuck's up the most next year has to put the tree up alone, with no help or guidance. This involves retrieving the tree from the spider breeding ground shed, a lot of dust in the sinuses and having to deal with wires in your face.

What a whirlwind.